Archived Thread:The Poser Diaries..

[ankit mishra]

PoserX goes Modding....
(techno’s tip – The elementary identifying trait of a poser is his bike which has been modded to a bastardized version of different super bikes. The mods are sometimes so wacky that if the original manufacturer sees it he will jump off a high structure.

Ultimately bikers, the yardstick is:
The degree of outrageous modding is directly proportional to the square of the retardation quotient of the poser.. as you will find out.. Read On)


PoserX is back… 2 crashes later (read previous posts) my poor Pulsar… ahem ahem… ""R1"" was in bad shape. After all fully faired bodies do not take shocks lightly. So, I am back to my modding shop. He is a great guy. He is the one who introduced me to lidless drags. He also modded my previous Activa. He put red and blue neons all over the bodywork and painted it a sleek yellow. Man.. people used to stare wherever I went. My ""R1"" does that now. But after this bust up, I was planning to convert my PHUT PHUT to that GZZZZ sound. But how do I do that?? I go back to the guy and he says man that R1 is not worth it. Wait I will tell you a method. Fit 4 silencers – 2 on each side. Ever heard 4 exhausts?? That R1 guy will never dare race with you.

I whole heartedly agree. After all if that R1 goes GZZZZZ then I will make mine GRRRRZZZRRZZZ.. And on top of that imagine how many chicks will look at me riding a bike with 4 silencers. So, I modify my bike taking 15 days off from college and friends.. This time I convert it into the Hayabusa… You see the fairing was brought in specially for me.

I was planning to paint it in carbon fibre.. but who paints in carbon fiber in this city??? That Ducati looked good in carbon fiber.. That carbon fiber paint must be available somewhere…I finally give up the search and ask my modding guy for a suggestion.

He suggested a orange and blue combo. ORANGE … WOW… This is it for sure.. An orange Hayabusa.. Even SUZUKI doesn’t have it.. Soon the mod is done…. And my ‘busa with 4 silencers rolls out.. Now where is that R1 guy?? I wil scare him with my exhaust.. Now it sounds like PHUTPHUTVROOMVROOM….. I wonder why still no GRZZGRZZ..

I zoom along lidless attracting attention everywhere.. People look at me.. I recently got my hair styled and lengthened.. I also have gone to the gym and built up my chest and biceps and I am wearing a tight fit shirt… Still 2 guys riding their puny Karizmas make shocked and revolted expressions at my bike… Their bikes have got xbhp.com written on the front fairing.. I wonder what that means…

Anyway I am about to zoom off .. The cops catch me for riding lidless… The senior mama takes a look at my bike and tells his constable to take it to the police station as he thinks that it is a stolen bike and I have got it modded.. 3 agonizing hours later and 1500 bucks lighter.. I am released.

DRAT………Still looking for that R1….. I want to race it...

[cyclone2k]

Originally Posted by ankit mishra

and this was the signature of our old blogger buddy...



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A girlfriend as a pillion at 120 kmph is aerodynamic drag!!

Really miss the person who had it ^^^

Originally Posted by ankit mishra

@cyclone...brother I could not visualize.." I also pat the tank when I overtake other poser..... "




kindly make me understand if you have time...

Just like in MotoGP when some racer, does a podium finish, some of 'em pat the tank celebrating the win and kudosing (Oxford add it!) the machine..

Good recalls, great that you saved 'em I was damn eager to know what happened after, Ninja ride... when Poser X had to ride a scooter!

[ankit mishra]

Poser goes stunting...)
(techno tip – Gentlemen, another elementary trait of posers are they attempt stunts a lot, that too without any sort of protection. And do not even think that they perform those flawless stunts like skyscraper or RSA guys do, but the stupidest variety that endangers them as well as bystanders and commuters.

But, even the "BIKE GOD"(yes there is one .. dint you know) sometimes does not tolerate such stupidity and sends in divine intervention leaving a poser with disastrous results.)


Hi Bikers , I am baaacccck. (What the hell did you think. ..I crashed somewhere.. you have to understand great men like us have to crash to elevate to higher levels of posing..)

Now coming on to my new "Busa", I was not happy that the four silencers dint have anything written on them. So I went ahead and got the exhausts stickered.. Guess what I wrote on that …."DHOOM" . The ‘Busa has only 2 piddly silencers, I have 4… 2 on each side.. ain’t that cool? Now aint that cool?? I was also looking for a really fatter rear tyre.. like that on a cruiser. Some guy suggested fitting an ambassador tyre at the rear but dint get a mechanic to fit that.. anyway my current 150 section rear tyre is no less good.

Anyway, I ride on searching for that elusive ‘R1 when one fine sunny day, I chance across something at a traffic light. Looks like a bigger bike but a bit smaller than the ‘R1. Looks like another tasty superbike to hunt down.. It is a blue silver color and its got GSX-R 600 written on the rear cowl. And his exhausts have "Arrow" written on it. Why cant he write "DON" or "DHOOM" like me?There are both rider and pillion on the bike, both wearing helmets and stuff. The pillion asks the rider what is this new Arrow stuff you fitted. The rider replies something that sounds like "racing baffles"… wonder what that means????

Anyway once the light turns green, I try to rev hard with my PHUTPHUTVROOM and scare him… but he sees a really empty stretch ahead and all I hear in the next 15 seconds is a really loud thunderous VROOOOOOOOOMMMMM…. And they disappear in a wail of sound… Even some pedestrians jump on to the footwalk at the sound… WTF??? What the hell was that?? Why cant I get exhausts like those?? BOOHOOHOO….

I return home dejected to find a old friend of mine… PoserY. He owns a RX 135 which he regularly smokes 220s and ZMAs in street races. And he stunts too wheelies and stuff that too helmetless.. As I said before helmets are for sissyboys... So we both go together to a local girls college… heard a new batch joined there.. couple of hotties… no better place to impress… We go over and already a couple of my poser friends are there.. modded bikes.. RX 100s … RX 135s...

PoserY starts pulling off stunts and stuff. My ‘Busa being a bit overloaded with fiber and courtesy the fatter tyre, I desist from any stunting. He just keeps on doing his wheelies…. Just then a couple of those new girls come out of the college gate. Super cute chicks…. PoserY heads their way and attempts a wheelie right in front of them. He aviates the front wheel and does a extended wheelie …. And suddenly a out of nowhere a group of dogs chasing another dog run on to the road(territorial defence)… PoserY is terrified .. he cant swerve in time and when he just manages to evade them and there is a ditch full of rainyday muck and garbage in his general direction of motion…. ... SOMEBODY HELP....

SSPPLLLLLLLAAAAAAAATTTTTT………………….

PoserY’s perfectly styled hair is gone. His shirt is dripping with municipal waste as is his face and the girls are howling with laughter… We flee from the spot...

HMMM.. Even fate is too cruel sometimes…

(NEXT: Poser meets his Guru………..)

[ankit mishra]

for those who are new to this thread...

the POSER diaries were never my brain child...

these were conceived and written by Mr. TechnoRaj and since he has not joined the forum so I'm posting it on his behalf.
All humble kudos to Mr. TechnoRaj.

[technoraj2004]

Allright guys!! Enough obituaries for me..

Thanks L.P., cyclone and ankit for keeping this thread alive.. Many thanks to your kind words..

(Coming up: The much anticipated PoserX takes on the Chetak)

Request please repost any content you have of my posts as I have lost my backups.

I promise I will make that blasted %&$# xbhp hacker sit on heated underseat silencers if I ever catch him. grrrr. PoserX agrees on the same too but he wants to introduce sharp parts to tender regions but I have him on leash on humanitarian grounds.

[ankit mishra]

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[ankit mishra]

(techno tip: Girls posers exist too.... and problem is they are even more reckless and dangerous than the guys in every way. And believe me, a guy can forgive another guy for aggressive overtaking, never a girl

Slight rain and dung on the road combined with a speeding bike can have interesting results.)

Hey I am baccck.. PoserX has finally returned to his posing. 2 months after my crash, I have decided to..

i. pose only near girls colleges.
ii. no heavy duty stunting.
iii. bike modding postponed for now. (have decided to paint my Pulsar 180 bright pink as girls love pink).

See. posing is now gonna be risk free. So, PoserZ, my Honda "CB1000F" friend and me decide to pay a newly opened girls college a visit. Now, PoserZ is naturally nervous about his bike as he had a very bad experience during his offroading stint with me. So makes certain that we dont race guys at all. He tells me in his fake John Abraham accent" Let only ZMAs and P220s pass. Nothing else". See how magnanimous is PoserZ. he is actually letting guys overtake him.

Now on the road we ride a bit "slowly" at 70 kmph. Suddenly we spot a couple of girls riding their Activas and Scootys ahead, all in jeans and assorted wear. Cute looking girls.. he he he.. Now at the red light ahead we pull up next to them... Now most of them take one look at us and giggle... (Must be our macho looks). When the light turns green a chick on a silver activa starts to zoom off.. We overtake her and PoserZ comments that no girl can beat us...

Suddenly... a silver streak passes us from the left and rockets off. PoserZ is dumbfounded.. HOW DARE A GIRL OVERTAKE US?? GRRRRRRR. Both of us are heated up and start racing. But what we see dismays us.... That girl is weaving in and out of traffic and that too without caring.. PoserZ aggresively follows her with me in hot pursuit. Autos, cars, bikes we care for nothing. 3 rides and ultra fast reckless riding. HAVE TO BEAT THAT GIRL...

We near a slightly crowded place and the girls suddenly slows down without warning.. PoserZ applies brakes with all his might.. But how come a Boxer gonna stop at 70 kmph only on drum brakes!!!!!. God save him..

CRASHHHHHHHHH.

The girl is down and slightly bleeding and PoserZ has scratched his a$$ on the road pretty bad and people are already beginning to thrash him up for ramming into the girl. WHAT A SCENE... I run to his rescue and somehow manage to extricate him from the situation. Now, PoserZ runs for his life and mounts his bike and zooms off. I follow suit soon.

As I forgot to mention before, it was an overcast day and it was already drizzling a bit. Now we come to a semi-highway with a little traffic and PoserZ is angry for not being able to pose.. He vrooms at a high speed and I too follow suit.... and when we realize the road ahead is covered with a smear of dung where a herd of cows had defecated while passing.. Now a P-180 and Boxer at 80 - 90 on a wet road with dung... Perfect recipe for a crash...

PoserZ's bike starts fishtailing and slaloming like a drunk and me following suit a cuple of seconds later. Now just when we look like gaining a bit of control..

A GODDAMN EMPTY TROLLEY IS PARKED BESIDE THE ROAD with an autorickshaw in the right.... NO ROOMTO SWERVE...

A loud WHUMP later, a vision of "The Flying Posers" is seen. PoserZ lands on the roof of the auto and my head somehow manages to tear through the back of the auto canopy and I am stuck like a guy with his head stuck in the auto's behind.

The auto driver thinks we are hooligans and calls his pals and we get a sound thrashing...

Thank God our bikes are not too badly damaged...

(Next: Poser goes advanced modding...)

[ankit mishra]

hi Techno,
give me your mail ID... I'll mail entire poser series back to you..

and the best would be that you yourself post it on the thread...

I think janta will like it that way more...


reproduced work of a maestro never sells as the maestro himself.

ankit.

[technoraj2004]

(PoserX rides the legendary Chetak..)

(techno tip – A carelessly ridden Chetak can be more disastrous than a carelessly ridden FireBlade.

Reckless riding on village roads can result in unpleasant consequences.)

Hello Bikers.. PoserX is back.. have been mostly out of action after that Ninja incident. PoserY and me have decided to visit my native place and we set off for the village. I meet up with my relatives and childhood friends..

First question is if I am suffering from any hair disease. (grrr. My red and brown styled hair is like a hero only not for rustics).

My uncle has a ancient Chetak which makes a lot of noise..posers love noise and smoke.. and yeah I meet my village counter part PoserV. He is a Rajnikant and Mithun Chakraborty fan. He believes in stunting with his Luna TFR by trying to aviate over bullock carts. He celebrated his 100th crash recently putting him in the big league with us.

Now one fine day.. me,PoserY and PoserV all three decide to go riding on the Chetak.. I have been eyeing the thing recently.. Looks good for thrashing and revving hard. My uncle tells me that the Chetak has a malfunctioning gearbox and clutch so ride it carefully. Careful who me…. Careful is for fools Posers can make a non geared Fireblade stunt. he he.

9:15 AM on a Sunday morning.. We all have bathed and are ready and we take the Chetak Out. Now the damn bugger doesn’t have a electric starter.. I attempt to start it.. It starts and begins sputtering.. PoserV sits on the rear seat with PoserY sharing it. (Brokeback Mountain anyone?)I am on the driver seat. I put 1st gear and release the clutch… NOTHING… a loud clunk… and silence… The scooter engine dies..WTF..

PoserZ dismounts.. PoserV sits and I dismount to the side and begin starting it.. kick.. kick..kick..sputter..sputter..gaaaaaahh..:mad : damn bloody scooter… Finally after the the 50th kick (or is it the 100th ?) the scooter comes to life.. I engage 1st gear and release the clutch and full throttle .. NOTHING… GRRRR..

I kick the scooter’s side and suddenly a loud THUNK… HUH…. WHAAAAA.. HAAALP…. Ever seen a running wheelie? The scooter has its front wheel in the air. PoserY is hanging onto the rear spare tyre of the scooter and PoserV has neatly landed in a open gobar gas plant and is tasting cowdung like a French chef. I have my hands on the throttle and running alongside the scooter…

Goddamn thing goes for a good distance and I run down a small slope into a paddy field.. That too full of muck..PoserY is dragged on his belly into the same.. 2 posers muddied and 1 poser eating dung… damned scooter… %%$#$$..

(Next: PoserX tries his hand at Track Skills.)

[L.P.]

Originally Posted by technoraj2004

Allright guys!! Enough obituaries for me..

Thanks L.P., cyclone and ankit for keeping this thread alive.. Many thanks to your kind words..

(Coming up: The much anticipated PoserX takes on the Chetak)

Request please repost any content you have of my posts as I have lost my backups.

I promise I will make that blasted %&$# xbhp hacker sit on heated underseat silencers if I ever catch him. grrrr. PoserX agrees on the same too but he wants to introduce sharp parts to tender regions but I have him on leash on humanitarian grounds.

Welcome Back Sir... it has been days..
We serioulsy missed you...Glad YOU are back..
with your new signature.. shall we search her somewhere on the poles..
ya firr 1 khurpi laaaun..?? usse road pe se ukhaadne k liye.??