Teacher: Which body part can expand 5 times its normal size?? Girl: I can't answer this question... I feel shy. Teachr asked the same question to a boy. Boy: Pupil of the human eye. Teacher: correct.... Then the boy turned to the girl & said: Listen Baby, not only the answer you are thinking is wrong but also your expectations are too high...!

The 6 is the disaster; after spending Rs 15, the balance left over will be only Rs 5

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.


"Who are you?" he asked.


"I'm the Devil," she responded.


"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."

Human Technology

American, Japanese, and a Indian were sitting in the sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That is my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That is my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.

The Indian felt low-tech and inferior. He did not know what to do to be as impressive as the American & the Japanese. He decided to take a break in the toilet.
When he returned, he did not realize that there was a piece of toilet paper got stuck and hanging from his backside. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What is that?" Instead of being embarrassed, inspiration struck his mind. The Indian guy explained, "I am getting a FAX".

The other two fainted.

While the meeting for Trade ties ,was going on between Countries ,some of the affluent Ministers
from different countries could not stop boasting of their wealth and social standing....So they decided
that when the meet was over they would each invite their other counter parts to show off their wealth.....

So the American invited the Russian,German,British,Chinese and Indian ministers to his home..
The ministers were impressed by the Big home, and inquired how he got the money to build it.
The American took them to the Brooklyn bridge and said, " See that bridge, I got the contract to repair
and paint 4 coats of paint...I gave only 2 coats of paint since the original paint was good.."

Now the German took them to Germany and showed his Artistically furnished home , and also took them
to see his construction site..He said," See that building ..I got the Govt., contract for it , and instead of using
High Grade Steel and material, I used next best grade, and made money".

Next they went to the Russian's Big home in Stalingrad and after Lunch he took them to a Mountain ,where the
rocks were drilled and a Tunnel was being built..
He said " See that Tunnel, I got the Govt., Contract and I am employing half the work force and give them only one
meal a day...I pocket their salary,and account for extra people too."

Next they all went to see the British man's Big home on Thames, after which he took them and showed the London Bridge
..he said " See that bridge ..I got the contract for replacing all the rivets on the support structure.....Instead of replacing all
the rivets on the support girder, I replaced only the bad ones ,but claimed for all"

The next stop was the Chinese minister's Big Home....the Chinese minister took them to a Tank Factory and showed them
around...he said," You see so many people working ..I pay them only 25% of their pay and pocket the 75 % ,and that's
how I built my home....

Now they all came to India and were impressed to see the minister's Palatial Home with,Mogul Garden, multiple Guards and people in waiting...
All the ministers from other countries were eager to know how he must have earned so much..
the Minister then took them to a valley and said, " See that Double span bridge across the valley...I built it....

All the ministers replied in chorus, " But there is no bridge at all there "
Minister replied.." That's how I built my home"

One for the year 2012...!

Is this a Misfortune??



One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and
he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him,That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look
terrible.What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today
was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell
happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"


Wishing you a Prosperous & a Happy new Year Guys...

Ha ha ha Good one...

Wishing all a Healthy and Happy New Year

A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"


She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"


He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"

Will 2013 be different ?

Way too hilarious...

To : Bill Gates, Microsoft
From : Santa Singh of Punjab

Subject : Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I
want to bring to your notice..

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you
to check this.

2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only
're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working. My wife lost the door key
and we tried a lot to trace the key with this ' find 'button, but was unable
to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when will you provide that?

5. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a
single picture of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

6. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the
PC only at home.

7. You provide 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past
Documents'?

Regards,
Santa

Some daughters-in-law are well trained and well mannered....

The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.
As expected she gave a speech

'My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family, firstly, my being
here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine .
'No, I will never do that, never in a million years.'

'What do you mean my child?' asked the father-in-law.

'What I mean dad is (looking at her in-laws);

Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND
Those who used to clean should continue cleaning!!!

'And what are you here for?' enquired the mother-in-law.

' I'M HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON!!!!!'