November 4, 2011
I find myself seated deep in disappointment today. For in a tour I orchestrated, I have been replaced with without. I am told my presence will make some uncomfortable, for I am told, repeatedly, that I do not belong. I laugh. I have never belonged. I have no desire to belong. Why would it even matter now?
But to dwell in disappointment, I find, is akin to sitting on the sidelines of highways, hoping the winds will carry my carcass to its destiny. In disappointment, I find, I belong the least. Yes, I have no desire to belong. Perhaps I never will. Perhaps in travel lies my destiny, for it is in wanderlust that my feathers of un-belongingness are the perfect camouflage.
I am to ride to Mangalore in a few hours, just as I had originally intended. The objectives of riding though, are very different now. There are none. I will discuss the route with those that know. Even as their voices echo through the ether, I wonder why I wish to know what there is to know. Why do I need to know that which I will discover on my own? But I have learned to value their advice, to respect their experience. They recommend that perhaps a detour to Hampi would serve me better for in its cradle lies a piece of history so ancient and so magnificient, that I should be so fortunate as to take it to my grave.
Hampi it is then.
Estimates reveal that I will travel seven hundred and fifty kilometers; most of it on National Highway (NH) – 4. A mere thirteen hours of travel, I think to myself. I will set out at half past two ante meridiem. Five minutes into the ride and I will realize that I have been unfaithful to slumber. My eyelids grow heavy within the first fifteen. My body grows weary within the next five. “Turn back”, says a thoughtless thought. Muddled flashes, blurred vision, I ride on instinct.
I will hit Lonavala at half past four navigating through pathways crowded with unyielding, temperamental and impatient metal beasts. I will halt for I do not have an ounce of ride in me. I seem to have drifted into an uneasy semi-consciousness. I can’t think. I can barely feel. I notice I’m not alone, for a string of mesh and metal sidelines a lone stall. Familiar wisps of freshly made chai backed by the potent scent of egg bhurji bring some semblance of reality into my being. I need a smoke. Strange, for its been a while. Longer than I care to remember. I will yield to the whore.
As I re-saddle, I stop to replenish my stock of water. “Turn back”, the thought resurfaces. “F uck no! We ride. If only for a little while.”, asserts another.
I ride.
Dawn will greet me with anger and loneliness. Anger, for losing them. Loneliness, for losing them. I just stood there and watched. Impotent. Fearful. Destitute in humanity. Flashes of their being merging into my own. It is with them, I belonged. Someday I will. There is hope. There isn’t a strand of belief.
I am my weakest now. But I must be. For I must remind myself how low is my lowest. Only then will I recognize the high. Only then will I value the occasional ordinary.
I will defecate in a pot barred by a broken door, laced with liquids familiar and unfamiliar, holding on to my belongings for I dare not place them on a floor etched with moss and feces. I will find slumber while seated on a rickety chair on the outskirts of Satara, arms wrapped around a tank bag, fingers loosely curled around the helmet strap. Some will knock on my knee guards even as I sleep.
As hours turn to miles, I will pixellate some, not a lot.
As I cross Solapur, the pathways turn to gold, sun rays burning down on a flawless tarmac. I open up the throttle. She’s gained weight since I switched over to the 120 IRC. I can feel her struggle on the rpms but she holds her corners like never before.
I divorce NH-4 at Hubli, foster ties with NH-63 for I must now find my way to Hospet – a settlement a few kilometers before Hampi, one which holds a promise for food, water and accomodation.
The final fifteen kilometers to Hospet will melt my steel as dust clouds and busy motors running amok on pathways yet to be rendered, retard my progress. Left to my own devices, I would have reached Hospet wounded in spirit.
But help was on the way…

















































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