^^ Thank's Dushyant! All the best with your trip and yes its guaranteed to be more than just fun.

keep them coming Al.....

^^ Romeo! Tu bhi aa raha hai blog mein - coming soon status hai tera.

Ahhhhh.......after such a long wait...love you sirji...

Thank you thank you thank you! Lots more to come!

PS: Lot's more coming by the end of the week! Long (and good) stories take time!

Section 3: The Journey > Chapter 29: Khardung la - our descent (part II)

June 8, 2010

"Spidey let's go!", I plead.
"...", is all he has to utter.
"Spidey let's go!"
"..."
"SPIDEY! Let's go! We don't have too much time. The snow will only get worse!"
"..."

Spiderweb is now in full blown panic. His silence reveals nothing, the grave concern in his eyes now metamorphosizing into fear betrays all. Nor have I succeeded in staving off fear. I fear as much. But, so far, my hands sense some and my neurons compute some; and compute I do - we must keep riding.

As Spiderweb makes another vain attempt at amassing heat from the exhaust, my bludgeoned body is slowly giving in as well. It won't be long before there's two of us beaten senseless by the minus. But until then, I must push him to ride on; or we'll both suffer the consequences.

"Spidey!! Let's f ucking go!"

He yields, climbs back on to his steed and revs it into motion. The wind has gathered momentum; it now wears the garb of a storm. A merciless wave of snow joins in the orgy - they, the f uckers, we, the f ucked.

Our path has nothing of hope to offer. Every inanimate object in our surrounding personifies into a murderous miscreation. Slush and potholes, camouflaged beneath a dense layer of snow, lie in wait for us. Black ice, invisible to our weary eyes, wets itself at the thought of dragging us into its embrace. Slithery snow gathers its kin and slides to the edges, eagerly waiting to take us down in an avalanche.

I will halt our progress on many occassions too; for the snow fogs over my glasses ever so often and I must rid them of the moisture frequently. My tired eyes, now practically blind without the aid of my convexes struggle to stay open as the snow settles into the innards on my eyelids, melting in moments, splashing my eyes from within. Spiderweb, despite his senseless avatar, will heed my every request to halt. We've only got each other now.

The chill now turns its attention to me; it forces itself through the thick of the glove and into my hands. I sense the equivalent of needle pins being pushed into my finger tips. And the chill won't do it one go, no, it will kill my senses in waves, one pin at a time, many pins at many times. The sickening pain will find its way into my now screaming and very nervous system until it gives in.

I see Spiderweb massaging is back a few feet away. It's been giving him trouble since we first began the ride. I can only guess that the minuses are doing to his spinal chord what they've done with his finger tips.

The distance between K-Top and South Pullu, the nearest army base camp is 15kms. We've been riding for over an hour and a half now and South Pullu is nowhere in sight. I have lost all sense of time and space. My head hurts. My neck is frozen stiff. My chest aches as my heart gropes for air. My arms feel like led, I can barely make the bends. My wrist screams for mercy - for every clutch action sends a shooting pain around its periphery - I lost the ability to completely engage the clutch many squeezes ago - I can just about get it half there. My steeds slides at every curve, we have no semblance of traction. She's getting increasing difficult to manage. Her roar has dwindled down to a whimper as she too struggles for oxygen. My feet are wet and senseless as the dampness eats its way through my epidermis.

With panic finally finding its way into the numbness of mind and body, I stand where Spiderweb stands; for I am now convinced we will not make it out of this alive. I can't feel neither my hands nor my legs. I can barely hold my attention for more than 5 seconds at a time before zoning out. I've lost my ability to judge the gravity of the situation, or judge gravity for that matter. For I have come dangerously close to riding into the emptiness of the cliff on occassions too numerous to recall. For I have lost my ability to react to being too close to ice and rock. For I have lost my ability to reason. I have zoned into a dream world where no move is too dangerous, no fall fatal. I ride now on pure instinct and should instinct fail me - I will simply throw in the towel. I can't fight this any more. I have no desire to for I am incapable of desire in the hopelessness of our situation. We are deemed to die. I must accept it. I must live with it and I must die with it.

And in my despair, a dampened spirit screams,
"Die, for what have you got to lose anyway."
My enfeebled mind responds with what I feared it would,
"Absolutely f ucking nothing."...

Section 3: The Journey > Chapter 30: Khardung la - our descent (part III)

Where the mind fails, instinct reigns supreme. For it knows not how to die. It will force me to keep riding. It will force me away from rock and stone, away from the emptiness of the valley and direct me directly into the path to life. It knows that in order for the survival instinct to survive, I, its host, must survive. And it will do all in its power to keep a breath in me.

The mind had since wandered. It looks back to summarize all that is past. It finds nothing for the Universe unceremoniously pissed my past into oblivion. I have no one to remember, none to forget. But perhaps the Universe was kind enough to salvage the joyful experiences. Perhaps I could relish them once more before I sink into oblivion.

"Indeed that was my intent", retorts the Universe.

I look within; to my horror I see nothing but emptiness. I look desperately under the debris, for perhaps a shard of joy. I find nothing.

"...but you have experienced nothing of worth.", completes the Universe.

"Why have you not?", it asks.

I have no answer.

"Was it I who denied you your worth? Or was it you that isolated yourself in a bid to escape me?"

I have no answer.

"Did you really believe you could escape me when it is me you inhabit?"

I have no answer; but I try.

"I thought you were being unfair. I wanted to have nothing to do with you.", I respond meekly.

"And yet your very core struggles to survive today. If you wished to have nothing to do with me, you would have, could have and should have done yourself in many moons ago. You did not. Your grandiose thoughts of worthlessness are impotent in the presence of your noble struggle to survive.

Who said I was fair? Who said I cared enough to be fair... or unfair for that matter? What makes you think any of this is for you or against you? You lament all that you lost. Who said it was yours to begin with? You lament meeting those that deceived you. Who said they wouldn't, couldn't or shouldn't? Was it I who made you believe that your race is moral, objective and ethical?

I will let you access your past, just for a brief moment. Look into it. Do you see what I see? I see betrayal but I rarely see faithfulness, I see lies, but I rarely see the truth, I see selfishness, but I rarely see selflessness. These are traits of your race. They always were, are and perhaps will always be. Why then have you held on to the hope that it will be otherwise?

Why would you delude yourself into believing in finding one that was faithful; one that was truthful; one that was honest. Such a person does not exist and if it does, your race will corrupt it and devour it, just as they did you. It was true when your race came to be, it is true today. You for one, are witness to this. And if you refuse to accept it, your demise is acceptable to the denizens of the system.

You lament so much for you have expectations of me that I care not to satisfy. If you wish to be in a fair, just and morally incorruptible world, find yourself another Universe, for in my domain, this never was, never has and never will be; not because I wish it, but because you, your race evolved to be one that actively encourages it.

But until you chose to remain within my existence, fathom the rules of the game and accept that unfairness is allowable and indeed the norm; immorality is an art; dishonesty a skill; unfaithfulness a necessary evil. For only if you understand the rules of the game, will you be able to play the players; will you be able to game the system, will you be able to derive from it the experiences you desire to experience.

Innocence has no place within me. Kill it, before it kills you. Evolve; learn their ways; survive; experience all that you can experience. And should you deem innocence a virtue (I do not), protect those that still possess it. Your race will corrupt them someday. Make no mistake, they will succeed every time as they have with you. All you can do is delay the awakening. Yes, an awakening it is, to the true nature of my being. What you call corrupt, I call enlightened.

As for the question of my fairness towards your kind; I care not. You, your race are just by-products. By-products that I had no intent to create and nor seek to destroy. Should you continue to exist through my existence, I shall do nothing to prevent it. And should your race be obliterated by a fraction of my being, I shall do nothing to avert it. You do not live because of me; you live inspite of me.

Experience all that you will. For there is no other virtuous virtue than to experience my being. Everything else is unnecessary detail."

30 minutes more to the ride and South Pullu surfaces to the horizon. I will not die today. Live I will to experience the experiences. And before the Universe disappears, I ask it one last question:

"If you do not care, why do you respond to my queries. Why do you teach me?"

As the wind dies down and the snow flakes turn gentle, the Universe whispers:

"All I am is a figment of your imagination. It wasn't me who taught you. It was you. Listen to your heart you have; for I have never spoken..."

Wonderful write-up once again... Btw, it was good that you and spidey were riding together and encouraging each other to keep moving. The situation for me was .. Inder was riding too far ahead of me and you guys were way behind and the weather here as we know was gettin all fked up. So being alone.. I rather thought I'll march ahead as far as i can.. so that I can catch up Inder and You and Spidey were anyways together.

Still.. What an Experience.. !!

P.S.: The BAAP of all PASSES is yet to come. (B....... LA)

^^ Yes Yes, you're being thoroughly abused in my upcoming post. Cause that's what I did at THAT time. of course none of it is relevant now but at the time i was mighty pissed with you!

Section 3: The Journey > Chapter 29: Khardung la - our descent (part IV)

June 8, 2010

I watch Spiderweb struggle in vain with his keys. He can't get them to part with his steed. I ask him to leave them in. Just as we dismount our steeds, I decide to give his keys a tug to see if I can get them out. I expected a brief struggle but struggle I do not, for the keys slither out with ease. Spiderweb's numb hands cannot interpret perpendicular, for he keeps tugging them at an angle. So devoid of senses is he.

We make a run for the lone tea stall at South Pullu and beg for heat wrapped in any form they might care to offer us. The hosts bring out a stove, some hot tea and bowls of steaming maggie. They warn us to not get to close to the stove. The body temperature needs to rise slowly to allow the blood flow to adapt. Heat ourselves too quickly and we risk blood clots and losing our appendages. We strip our wet socks off and soak in to the heat.

It would appear that I have network now; for my phone is buzzing. Its Beruoist - a friend and a biker extraordinaire, who will also conquer Khardung la in the days to come. I try to speak, but I cannot breathe. Overpowered by fatigue and fear, I only manage to communicate to him that we had a 'rough time' coming down Khardung la and that I would reconnect with him later. I turn to Spiderweb to check if we wishes to join in the conversation; but Spiderweb has zoned out in entirety. His head perched upwards, his feet hanging above the stove, and a bowl of maggie perched in his palms delivering much needed heat to the rest of his system. He will not speak or move for many moments to come.

I have network, but I haven't a clue as to the whereabouts of Motorbreath and Inder. Their phones are unreachable. I call Satyen in Mumbai, inform him of our location, assure him that we are safe and beg him to inform Motorbreath and Inder as to our whereabouts should he manage to get in touch with them. I also ask him to update the online forum with details on our whereabouts so that if Motorbreath and Inder are unable to reach us, who so ever they got in touch with, would have some semblance as to our location and state.

My phone buzzes again and the name that flashes now, ironical as it may seem, makes my blood boil. Its Motorbreath.

Motorbreath: "We've reached Leh."
Me: "Dude Spidey's hands went cold. He had major trouble riding. We barely made it to South Pullu. Why the f uck didn't you guys wait for us?"
Motorbreath: "Arre dude it started snowing so we panicked and since Inder was not stopping I kept following him."
Me: "Screw Inder. He's not one of us. He's never been one of us. You should have at least waited for us. You are carrying all our emergency medical supplies. Why the f uck couldn't you wait at South Pullu at least?"
Motorbreath: "Arre...it was snowing re."
Me: "..."
Motorbreath: "Anyway, we're waiting for you guys at Inder's hotel."
Me: "..."

He hangs up as do I.

And while I would make my peace with them in the days to come, on this day, at this time, I am enraged.

"Motherf ucking pussies. They abandoned us to save their skin. They should have waited for us at South Pullu. There's little danger of them being snowed under out here and even if there's trouble, there's an entire army unit stationed there to help them out. What if something went wrong. What if one of us fell. What if we needed help? What if we never made it down? Its common knowledge that the Karizma has been in trouble the past few days. What if it broke down. What if my steed gave up? Did it not make sense for them to be in a location where they could send us help? And why did Motorbreath volunteer to carry the emergency supplies if he was in such a hurry to leave! F uck! They just kept riding. Even if something DID go wrong, they are too f ucking far away to send us help. F UCK THEM! What's the f ucking point of riding in a f ucking group if those that ride with you won't be there to protect you. F UCKF UCKF UCK! I've spent the whole f ucking ride following Motor so he wouldn't f ucking get left behind and THIS is what I get in return... WTF! THIS ISN'T F UCKING FAIR!"

No sooner do I think that, I begin to smile. Figment of my imagination or not, the Universe continues to coax me into growing up. And grow up I do. For the next several minutes I will stand at the door of the lone tea stall at South Pullu and cry, my body shaking with fear, humility and the joy of being alive, of finally finding purpose - one of experiencing all that can be experienced and then some, so that one day, when the Universe is ready to take me, I can look it in the eye and say "Go ahead, take me. For I have seen what I wished to see. Heard what I wished to hear. Done what I wished to do. And now that I have lived and loved and admired your grandeur, it is only fair that I make way for others to experience the grand tour. Thank you. And Good bye."

Kaafi explicit thoughts hain.I'll never piss you off

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Arre woh time pe adrenalin was running high hence the extreme emotions :P

Like I said.. I was alone and you and spidey were together and I don't think I even stopped @ South Pullu.. I just kept on riding(ZOMBIE RIDING) My fingers were numb and so was my mind.. and obviously I wouldn't have left you alone.. but again you guys were together and it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to wait anywhere there between KhardungLa and South Pullu for obvious reasons.

But again I understand in what mental state we all WERE in.. and am sure we are done with explanations n shites

P.S.: what days we had man.. seriously.. thanks for bringing those memories back..

Yup, this is all in the past ;-). I'm just writing what I felt back then so we all remember things as they really happened. Besides its not like I'm gonna spare myself. I felt pretty shitty when we left RomeoMike at Sarchu and I felt pretty shitty when I left you guys at Ahmedabad and yes all that will make it to the blog as well!