Archived Thread:The Poser Diaries..

[technoraj2004]

(Posers:A Techno Narrative)

(Note : Sorry guys was extremely busy in work and was in a bit of a creative block. I will try my best to post regularly from now.)

(techno tip: Posers have an unmentionable itch to chat on cellphones exactly at when they ride.

The female sex is a perennial source of crashes be it any season of the year.)

I am narrating the story of how I view the daily slambang and give the PoserX stuff a rest this time around.

It has been a tough work week and no breaks and the damned weekend doesnot come any sooner. It is a lazy winter afternoon on a Saturday. Its around 3 PM and the sun is dipping already. I suddenly have a brainwave that I could do a city wide tour and see sights. My ZMA was washed and serviced in the morning and she is looking at me pleadingly for a day out.

I am in a pretty languorous mood and I get my jacket, DSG gloves and riding boots and set off. I hit the main road around the 50-60 mark and am sedately cruising. Suddenly.....

VROOOOOOOM. What the?? A blithering idiot with his over made up chimpanzee of a girlfriend is racing at 90 kmph on his red P-200. The idiot even has the audacity to write PLAYBOY on his number plate. He's got a phone in one hand and talking animatedly to some friend of his.

However, there is a small problem.. The reason I was riding at 50-60 on a clean empty road was a newly constructed road and was very very bumpy due to sloppy work (Muncipal Corporations... anyone??).. That idiot was riding at 80 kmph when he spots and unmarked monster of a speedbreaker at around 7-8 feet away...

SCREEEEEEECH... No avail. The bike has cut speed but still the idiot and his girlfriend do a beautiful swan dive into a roadside panipoori stall and drenched in foodstuff and angry stray mutts barking at them..
Thats PoserX LIVE for you.

I smirk and go over and pull up the bike and enquire about their well being. They are thankfuly unharmed but the bike front fairing is totalled and stuff.

I move off and ride extra cautiously.. I hit the NH5 and begin practising my racing crouch at around 70-80 kmph.. Suddenly...

another VRROOOOOOOM. (Better not ride a 200cc+ bike these days all and sundry pick up a race with you.)

2 idiots on a modded Discover and the pillion is looking back at me and smiling mockingly. The idiot has written DILWALE on his number plate.The idiot of a rider is racing hard and manages to put good distance between me. I know the exact place where the highway widens out and I intelligently pick up speed with no hard revs....

Now, a couple of girls on 2 Honda Activas turn up at an intersection and one zips past the Discover guys and the pillion of a girl smiles at the 2 guys. The idiots are transfixed and ogling the chicks... (I ogle at chicks too but as a rule don't do it while riding... )

The retards fail to a see an autorickshaw do an emergency stop right in front of them. I was yelling LOOK OUT but too late... WHAMMMM... The girls simply go off without a glance and a extremely irate bunch of autodrivers rough up the two.... I go over and manage to placate the situation.. The idiots however pay up 2k as damages.

I sigh and return back home and wonder at the sheer idiocy of the whole posing thing.... Human nature is inexplicable.

(Next: PoserX will be Back with a surprise...)

[frankpilli]

@ Techno... what happen to P-X & P-Y

[inder.cool]

Ohh nice on there Satyajit...!!

These kindda ppl also exist, i didnt know....!!

[nitrosatya]

Check this out! Clicked it my college! The rider felt pride while i was clicking it!

[ankit mishra]

. PoserY has sobered up after that unfortunate cracker blowup and has got his front teeth replaced... AGAIN. .

..........................
a cat has 9 lives ...


poser proved it wrong...

the maxim should change...

a poser has 11 lives.

[cyclone2k]

@ Techno...u forgot one most important thing about posers.....sticking mobiles between their ears and shoulders while weaving through traffic

They're not posers.. they're different breed called Uncles...

[frankpilli]

posers have inbred allergy towards helmets

[riazmomin]

^^^ Fabulous....

to be more precise, saftey concious posers, sticking the mobile under helmet and talking all the way.

[L.P.]

@ Techno...u forgot one most important thing about posers.....sticking mobiles between their ears and shoulders while weaving through traffic

^^^ Fabulous....

[frankpilli]

Posers+mobile phones

@ Techno...u forgot one most important thing about posers.....sticking mobiles between their ears and shoulders while weaving through traffic

[FZ16]

(Next:Poser gang goes on a mountain trip)..

Can' wait, Techno

may be carrying a skeleton on the rear seat is an auspicious sign...

Good one

Welcome back Technoraj. Nice writeup there.. Maybe you should write a small declaration at the beginning of the stories "Any resemblence of the characters mentioned herewith to those in real life is purely coincidental. The writer is not responsible for the same." As hilarious as these stories are, I can't help being reminded of the posers of my city. Most of them having similar characteristics. The other day I really thought if that was PoserY on his P200 that overtook me .

And another feature of the posers that you forgot to highlight here, is the horns. I have seen posers using some kind of a hooter instead of the usual musical horns. The loud sound (like that of an air horn, the compressed-air-in-a-can-with-a-nozzle type) would make your skeleton jump out of the skin.... Its that frightening. Believe me,.... you really have to be in front of that kinda poser and experience the honk...... Its as if a 14 wheeler is honking inches behind you, and somehow it is not visible on your rear view mirror...

I've seen one "attention seeking cheap trash" get a few of his teeth knocked out for scaring a guy with this kind of a horn... Personally, I enjoyed every moment of watching that low-life scum getting thrashed black and blue.

[L.P.]

"...A girlfriend as a pillion at 300 kmph ...
Whats that skeleton doing on the rearseat. ;-)

.....
Nice Sigggy..

[hellraiSEr]

Hail the storyteller

Welcome back Technoraj. Nice writeup there.. Maybe you should write a small declaration at the beginning of the stories "Any resemblence of the characters mentioned herewith to those in real life is purely coincidental. The writer is not responsible for the same." As hilarious as these stories are, I can't help being reminded of the posers of my city. Most of them having similar characteristics. The other day I really thought if that was PoserY on his P200 that overtook me .

And another feature of the posers that you forgot to highlight here, is the horns. I have seen posers using some kind of a hooter instead of the usual musical horns. The loud sound (like that of an air horn, the compressed-air-in-a-can-with-a-nozzle type) would make your skeleton jump out of the skin.... Its that frightening. Believe me,.... you really have to be in front of that kinda poser and experience the honk...... Its as if a 14 wheeler is honking inches behind you, and somehow it is not visible on your rear view mirror...

[ankit mishra]

"...A girlfriend as a pillion at 300 kmph ...

Whats that skeleton doing on the rearseat. ;-)

...."





hummm....

may be carrying a skeleton on the rear seat is an auspicious sign...


waiting for the mountain trip to leh by posers...
but can any day happen in posers life when he doesn't crash...?

perhaps when he is sitting on the bike with the bike on main stand.

[technoraj2004]

PoserX celebrates Diwali (Part-2)...

(techno tip: Onroad daredevilry on Diwali evenings are injurious to health.

Rockets are the most dangerous of their variety especially the type that blows up after the end of flight.)

Hey xbhp bikers... Happy Diwali... been cracker shopping.... PoserY has sobered up after that unfortunate cracker blowup and has got his front teeth replaced... again. PoserZ has come up and we three are out to celebrate Diwali.. Now PoserZ suggests a long roadtrip in the morning and crackers in the evening..

PoserY has a special weakness for females and has done a lot of stupid tricks to offend them on no end.. The girl who he is currently wooing has a devil of a younger brother. He goes to the front of her home and starts honking and revving his bike VROOM.. PHAT PHAT.. VROOM..

After a good 5 minutes, suddenly out of the blue.. her brother comes out and hands us a nice red package.. Looks like sweets.. PoserY takes it like a hero and opens the package and we 3 peer into the package..

BOOOOM....grrrrr. the little chipmunk.. I am going to thrash him. He had put dog poop and put in a forecracker in the packet.. Result: 3 smelly posers.

Now a pissed off PoserY rides along with us and is asking us to race with him.. So we begin racing hard.. and weaving in and out of roads with minimal traffic.. Suddenly when we come out of a narrow lane.. we see a small circular fizzling lump on the road... PoserZ being the flaming idiot he is slows down and peers at it..

BLAMMMMM..The thing goes off like a small hand grenade.. PoserY does a terrified accidental wheelie and vrooms off and suddenly out of nowhere rockets start raining.. One goes straight into PoserY's rear wheel and BOOOM.. PoserY crashes straight into some roadside bushes... PoserZ is half deaf and blinded by the recent explosion and 2 rockets chase him and me and him both jump off the bike and dive straight into a mud puddle... SPLATTTT..

Later that night... PoserY is very drunk and pissed at the days events and so are we.. He lifts up a cracker and says "what the %^$^ this tiny cracker? I can light it with my cigarette." and lights it with his cigarette..

BLAST.. %&^%&%&%&. Damned idiot.

Lets not discuss this further.

(techno advisory: Gentlemen Bikers, Please take care not to strictly follow any of these on a Diwali day.. Have a Happy and Safe Diwali)..

(Next:Poser gang goes on a mountain trip)..