Something I found on the FB

A married Couple checked into a Hotel. From the front desk check in itself they could be seen arguing with each other...Late in the evening the Reception got a call from the couple's room..
Husband : " Hello Reception ?"
Receptionist : " Yes Sir, How can I help you ?"
Husband : " My wife is trying to commit suicide by jumping through the window "
Receptionist :" Sir what is the problem ?"
Husband : " You Idiot the window is not opening ".

Just in case if this was not posted, Read all of them : Damn You Auto Correct! - Funny iPhone Fails and Autocorrect Horror Stories

GREAT LINK....ROTFL.

A GIFT OF LOVE. lol

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.


The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers."


"That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"


"Oh, just a wild guess,"" she said.


The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."


"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.


The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.


"Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement.


The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"


With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

Cheers!
VJ

Sonu knows how to cook snakes

Sonu knows how to identify South India, North Indian, Chinese...sorry, CHINES Snakes

Which mode is on? which MODE? I am sorry, I can't hear you, WHICH MODE? See for yourself.




Cheers!
VJ

Wife : " You said ,before marriage ,that I have a figure like a Coke Bottle.

Husband: " You still Have.......Just that earlier it was 300ml, now it is 2 Liters ".

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.


He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ""Can I help you?""


The man said, ""Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

Arasiyala idhellam sadharanamappa.

Narayana Indha kosu tholla thaanga mudiyala, marundhadichu kollunga pa.

Cheers!
VJ

@aargee: ....OMG....who took that pic...HAPUR is my native place....i need to find out who this sonu is....??

If dats in Tamil, Please translate.... if some absurd talks, then

The following were a set of General knowledge Questionsand genuine answers (from 16 year olds).............


Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar


Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs


Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery


Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death



Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow


Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..


Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie



Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium


Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Caesar ?)

lol! It is tamil, actually it was a dialogue from tamil comdedians, which more or less depicted the same parody I posted above. So

Cheers!
VJ

Been thinking to share this for a long time

An 80-year-old man is having his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.

"I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. "So, he's in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him."

That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear." "Exactly."

What causes arthritis?

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"


"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."


"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.


The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"


"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Cheers!
VJ