Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...



[emoji3]

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...



[emoji29]

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door.

1) Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Daddy, Junior, and Spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
"Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not
say, "Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not refereed to as the, "Mary with the
Cherry".

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not:
"Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God"

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.
Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

----consecutive posts auto-merged-----

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might
kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

[emoji23][emoji1305]

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Mark Zuckerberg got involved in a car accident with an M.P’s son’s car in Delhi.

MP’s Son angrily: Do you know who my father is?

MZ: yes, his name is Jaspal Singh. He has 237 friends out of which 35 are women and your mother doesn’t know 10 of them. Last month he went to Thailand and he...

MP’s son: Bas kar yaar galti meri thi! [emoji29][emoji29]

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Totally agree

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Officer: Madam, I need to complete this form...What is your husbands age and what is your age?

Lady: Well, when we got married my husband was 25 and I was only 18.

Now he is 50 yrs old that is double....so accordingly I am 36...

🤨[emoji848][emoji847]

The officer is still calculating...!
🤣

Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Yamahaaaaaaa!!!

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

#Memo to all students : In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.).

#We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any other schools. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

#Students who don't know S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

#Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be intersted in a job teaching others.

#We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). For students who are attending to pursue a carrier in management and consultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.).

#This course emphasizes on how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.)

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Main road near Golden temple , Amritsar [emoji39]

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Jai ho Punjab police

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor.
He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and wired it all together. It was an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them.
She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "And look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"