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A recently divorced women advertised:
Male needed with three qualities.
1) He must not beat me and respect women.
2) He would not run away and leave me.
3) He must be a fantastic lover.

Few days later her door bell rings.
She opens the door and finds no one on the door. She shuts the door back.
Few moments later door bell rings again. She opens the door again and finds no one on the door. She shuts it again.
Then just when she's about to sit her door bell rings again. She rushes to the door with anger and opens it. This time she looks around and finds a man without hands and lags standing on the door step looking up at her with a smile on his face.
Shouting down on his face she asks "what do you want?"
He replies "madam you advertised for a man with three qualities. I have no hands so I won't be able to beat you and I respect women. I have no legs so there is no question of running away."

Women says " that I can see but there is one more condition, din you read the advertisement?"
He replies " of-course madam I read it."
Women "if you did, you shouldn't be here"
Man "I am a fantastic lover madam. You see I rang the door bell, din i..."

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lol...haha, oh man, it just took a second for me to understand how he rang the bell, sure he would be a fantastic lover for her

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These made me crack up!

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Two guys were walking to wards parking area when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second guy replied, "Well, I was walking alone yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She parked the bike, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first one nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Son - Dad, what is the meaning of gay?
Father - It means 'to be happy'.

Son - So dad, are you gay?
Father - No dear, I have a wife.

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Finally, the Husbands' point of view:

At last a Husband has gathered the courage and taken the time to write down all of these.

We always hear "the rules" from the Wife's side.

Now here are the rules from the husband's side.

These are our rules! Please note..
These are all numbered "1" because each one is as important as the others !!!

1. Husbands ARE not mind readers.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Neither do Strong hints! Obvious hints never! Our wiring does not take them!! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

1. If you already know best how to do it, please just do it yourself.

1. When I am seeing tv, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Like Pumpkin! We have no idea what mauve or lavender is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, cars, bikes or games or page 3 pyts.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. U r in shape..... Round IS also a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

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Good ones! 😄

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That awkward moment when someone says "rs200 hits 158 kmph if the bike is run in properly" 🤣

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Same post in 2 separate threads! Someone really irritated you with this comment didnt they my friend?

I once had a friend who said he hit 150 kmph with a pillion on a......"wait for it"...... Splendor!

Im not on talking terms with him anymore!

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First I posted in funny thread, then found the halirious thread which the mod had pointed me to 😂 then figured I can't delete my posts !! Haha

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Husband to Hotel Manager: Please come immediately, I am having an argument with my wife and she is
threatening me that she will jump from the window

Manager: Sir, it is not my problem, you need to console her

Husband: Teri Maa Kiii..the window is not opening.

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My wife was hinting me (she wanted a car for a long time) as her birthday was coming.
She quotes - I need something that can accelerate from 0-100 under 3 seconds.

I gifted her a weighing scale..

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Can you see the lion and skull

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Let's continue this here guys 😂

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A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let
her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.
He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it makes your nose look short!"