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Once upon a time ..a small boy named Hameed lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy Hameed" ..one day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...the mother could not accept such a feed back and she took her son out from that school. she even shifted to another city ...
25 years later, that teacher got a cardiac disorder and all the doctors have advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform..
left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful ...when she opened her eyes ,she saw a handsome doctor smiling to her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk, in turn, he was staring at her face which started turning blue, she was raising her hand trying to tell him some thing but in vain and eventually died...
the doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw our friend Hameed working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......

If you were thinking that Hameed became a doctor, its because you have been watching too many hindi movies or have been reading too many motivational books...

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The Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates."
The Frenchman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The third replied, "These are Carol's."

And So The Christmas Season Begins!

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Philosophy Class:
Teacher: Give me an analogy as to how do we live our life
Student1: Like a star. Seen and admired by every one, but far enough to be untouched by their thoughts and misdeeds
Student2: Like a Lion. King of my world and Fierce to the last breath.
Student3: Like a Fart. Make others laugh when I'm born, provide relief/happiness to my Creator, make my presence felt to everyone I meet and leave the world making them wonder about my origin.

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Since 31st Dec is near... Self Care Tips will be useful....

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward.

2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom : Everything looks blurry.
Cause : you are looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and are trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom : Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask them if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure : Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST

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Best oxymoron

- Happily Married.


------------------------------------------------

An old lady gets into the bus and gives the conductor few nuts to munch on. Conductor happily chews them down
Moved by the old lady's gesture, he thanks her for this and asks - Why are you giving me these.

Old lady replies - I just love the chocolate around them since I dont have any teeth left to bite the nuts

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I just banged my head by reading this

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Aint this funny but true at same time

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After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local K -Mart.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1.June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2.July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3.July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5.August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on lay -by.
6.September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7.September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8.September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9.October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10.November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11.December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12.December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13.December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14.December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" And last, but not least ..
15.December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,
K -Mart

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yamachusa with the front tyre of splendor

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Identify these species

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Snardosaur(snake+lizard+dinosaur) :-o

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GOD asks Santa: "Now that you are old, you have to choose either Parkinson's disease (haath kaapna) or Alzheimer's (yaadaast khona) as punishment for your karma in this life."

Santa goes to Banta who advises him to choose Parkinson and says, "Its better to spill half glass of whiskey than to forget where the bottles are kept."

Santa hugs Banta.

That's what friends are for ! 🍷

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No father has ever explained the importance of Studies in such a awesome way to his son :

With every wrong answer that you write in your exam paper, your future honeymoon shifts from Switzerland to Thailand to Goa to Ooty to Mysore to Hotel Annapoorna or a relative's house or under the ceiling fan at your wife's house.

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Read this on a bike's rear mudguard a few months ago:

"Mom says no racing, I only do Chori, Chori!"

I guess he was attempting some sort of pun

Have also read lots of stuff like:

"Dad's gift"
"Mom's gift"
etc.

Kinda looks out of place IMO.

Also a bit off topic but saw "4X4" written behind an auto rickshaw!!!