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BEST JOB in the World...
A YOGA INSTRUCTOR.......INSTRUCTING....
A YOGA INSTRUCTOR.......INSTRUCTING....
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When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time. -
Every Monkey Has it's DAY.....
When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.Comment
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Subject: Actual letter to the Canadian Passport office
Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fu@@in' address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals a$$hole$ workin' there?
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fu@@in' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60 !!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the fu@@in' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some a$$hole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
(fu@@in' morons)
Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!
Signed - An Irate fu@@ing Canadian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang.
I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years.
However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fu@@ing CHINA!!!
Hamilton, Ontario Canada
Whenever there is a Rainbow in the sky, I know it's u mastering the art of Cornering. U will always be remembered brother, R.I.P Arun.
The 5 Speed Restoration
The Z Restoration
/2001 Yamaha Rx 135 5 Speed/ 1999 Yamaha RXZ 135/ 2012 Honda Dio/ ?Comment
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A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."Whenever there is a Rainbow in the sky, I know it's u mastering the art of Cornering. U will always be remembered brother, R.I.P Arun.
The 5 Speed Restoration
The Z Restoration
/2001 Yamaha Rx 135 5 Speed/ 1999 Yamaha RXZ 135/ 2012 Honda Dio/ ?Comment
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A little offensive. But still made me laugh like hell!!
This one is a killer!
Attached FilesLast edited by harishkumarko; 12-21-2012, 11:49 AM.Tour De Thekkady
The Return of the KB
The Run-in Adventure
150cc doing 100+ is great!
100cc doing 100+ is awesome!!
150cc cornering like hell is great!
100cc cornering like hell is awesome!!
THAT'S WHY I RIDE A RTZ!!Comment
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@PSR Sir : too good the pics are. After seeing it i am feeling like:
1.Kill that dirty looking pug.
2.become a yoga instructer.
3.Get back to the monkey stage of evolution(if its getting so many previledges)
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Become YOGA instructor , and you don't have to worry about The First and the Last.Originally posted by phanikar View Post@PSR Sir : too good the pics are. After seeing it i am feeling like:
1.Kill that dirty looking pug.
2.become a yoga instructer.
3.Get back to the monkey stage of evolution(if its getting so many previledges)
When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.Comment
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Here is this guy who really takes care of his body; he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day.
One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except one part and he decides to do something about it.
He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the dand except for the one part sticking out.
Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in this world."
The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?"
The first little old lady says, "Look at that."
"When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it."
"When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it."
"When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it."
"When I was 40 years old, I asked for it."
"When I was 50 years old, I paid for it."
"When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it."
"When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it."
"And now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild!!"Whenever there is a Rainbow in the sky, I know it's u mastering the art of Cornering. U will always be remembered brother, R.I.P Arun.
The 5 Speed Restoration
The Z Restoration
/2001 Yamaha Rx 135 5 Speed/ 1999 Yamaha RXZ 135/ 2012 Honda Dio/ ?Comment
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When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.Comment
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When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.Comment
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When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.Comment
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When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.Comment
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Originally posted by psr View PostBecome YOGA instructor , and you don't have to worry about The First and the Last.
Ha ha ha as you say Sir
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An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding." "Can I see your driver's license?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there." "Can I see your registration please?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. He's stark naked and has an erection!
The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no-not the Breathalyzer again!"
Cheers!
VJ
Last edited by B7ACKTHORN; 12-21-2012, 03:35 PM.Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said, 'NO!'
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and watched sport on a big screen TV, went fishing and surfing, and played golf a lot, and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
THE ENDComment
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Cheers!
VJ
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said, 'NO!'
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and watched sport on a big screen TV, went fishing and surfing, and played golf a lot, and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
THE ENDComment
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