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Is this a joke or a horror story?

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OT:
It could be horror-story; even better if it's a hallucination, where patients died at his hands(on operation table) are paying a visit.

Now, the doctor takes a quick scan of old man's hand, first thing to look at(hands for danger). With the woman it was anything but hands.

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Ahh. You got the point.....

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If you love someone ?
Go get it (Visa power)

Want to propose to a girl ?
Just do it. (Nike)

Before going to propose to a girl ?
Believe in the best (BPL)

If your girl asks you which dress to wear ?
Kuch nahi (Pears)

Not satisfied with your dates ?
Yeh dil mangey more (Pepsi)

If you are going to propose to a girl, chances are... ?
50-50 (Britannia)

Those who succeed in love always say ?
We dream because we do (Daewoo)

A guy having a number of girl friends ?
Complete Man (Raymonds)

A smart girl having a number of boyfriends ?
Yeh hai hamara suraksa chakra (Colgate)

If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her ?
Take it easy (Limca)

If you get married to a girl of your mother's choice... ?
Jiyo merey Lal (Brook Bond)

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Some undeniable facts:








HOW TO STAY AWAKE IN MEETINGS:

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call,prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5"x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

• synergy
• strategic fit
• core competencies
• best practice
• bottom line
• revisit
• expeditious
• to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
• 24/7
• out of the loop
• benchmark
• value-added
• proactive
• win-win
• think outside the box
• fast track
• result-driven
• empower (or empowerment)
• knowledge base
• at the end of the day
• touch base
• mindset
• client focus[ed]
• paradigm
• game plan
• leverage

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"

And sleep will elude you for days!!!

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Infosys employee freed from hostage situation in Sydney

Updates his resume - 'negotiated with terrorists while onsite'

Sent from a Phone who claims to be Smart!!

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So true.....

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I have to admit. Your comment is funnier than the actual post. LOL

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Geography Of A Woman:
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of her business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and
the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 99, a man is like Iran...ruled by nuts
THE END.
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In a job interview:
“What’s your greatest weakness?”
“Honesty.”

“I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”
“I don’t give a **** what you think.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What do you call a black guy flying a plane?
“I don’t know, what?”

A pilot!!! you racist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two atoms are dancing in space, one says to the other
“I think I just lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two cows are grazing in the field, one turns to the other and asks,

“So what do you think about this mad cow disease?”
And the other responds, “What do I care, I’m a helicopter!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Blond

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled.
We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The blond replies…...”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

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I can relate to that. In my interview for a Trainer's post, I spent 5 minutes alone to explain this answer for this same question!

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this is the first joke i have ever read on internet in which blonde is intelligent.

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It ought to tell you that how easy it's to condition human minds. If something is all around you then it got to be the truth. Try convincing them otherwise, you'll be called names.

I tried it with my own parents, it didn't work & I'm stuck.

It took me few minutes when TCS interview panel asked me to rephrase my sentences when I used words like `knack` & `acquainted` except for the senior(old) HR member.
PS: skip companies that don't impress you in interviews. They got nothing for you to learn from.

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Ab tera kya hoga Kaliya?

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Never knew blondes were this intelligent. First post I am reading such things

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Pure sense of humour(it's all about timing):

On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, that's
"one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark
"good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong.

This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

In 1938 when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbour's yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbours were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
"Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"