THREE DAUGHTERS

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".


So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.


So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.


The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."


Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".


Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

ROFL!!

Cheers!
VJ

TRICKING A NUN
===============
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.


The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."


The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."


The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.


The nun agrees but asks for a**l sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.


After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"


Cheers!
VJ

I remember when.....


PUSSY meant a CAT
SEX meant GENDER
B1tch was a FEMALE DOG
DICK was a NAME
BANG was a SOUND
RUBBER was an ERASER
ASS was an ANIMAL
SCREW was just a TOOL
HEAD meant a part of BODY
BALLS meant a round TOY
NUTS meant DRYFRUIT
69 was just a NUMBER
and then . . .




I came across all you dirty minds & my education got ruined!!!

Little Johnny's tit for tat...

Teacher : John, if there were 3 birds on the fence & I shoot one, how many would remain
John : None
Teacher : Well, I expected you to say 3 - 1 = 2, but I like the way you think
John : Well mam, in that case, if there were 3 ladies having icecream; one licking, one sucking & one biting, who do you think is married
Teacher (ponders the question uncomfortably) : Err...I guess the one who's sucking
John : Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!

*not new but funny*

Harley Davidson and Woman

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.' Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.' St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?'
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?' Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?' God said, 'Ah, yes.' 'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention!
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. 'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

Lol...this is real awesome...

Image not available ?^ Can't see it

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:/ ;d

Caught Speeding - Womens have brain too!
===========


Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?


Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.


Woman: Oh, I see.


Officer: Can I see your license please?


Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.


Officer: Don't have one?


Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.


Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.


Woman: I can't do that.


Officer: Why not?


Woman: I stole this car.


Officer: Stole it?


Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.


Officer: You what?


Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.


The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.


Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!


The woman steps out of her vehicle.


Woman: Is there a problem sir?


Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.


Woman: Murdered the owner?


Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.


The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.


Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?


Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.


The first officer is stunned.


Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.


The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.


Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.


Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too

Cheers!
VJ