Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Disclaimer - Sorry if the below post is offensive. Please don't get offended.. this is just a joke.

Folks, just read it...you will go crazy and will laugh and laaugh and laaaugh! Enjoy!!! Cheers, SR Hilarious Reply to a Matrimonial Ad in a Punjabi newspaper!!


Dear Madam:

I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Amritsar . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce alot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking (only a Kingfisher in the evenings) but I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand. If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours,

Choudhary Bash Warraich,
born by mother in Bhindra di galli and become big,
and moneyed in Amritsar, Punjab

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

^^^ well this post may irk a few people and I sense that the poster (Mr Choudhary) has knowingly put some offensive content in there! How can one be so dumb?

(in response to [MENTION=27501]rreneav1987[/MENTION]'s post)

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

American boy: Mom I'm dark even though u r white, why?

Mom: Listen son, Considering all mistakes n crazy things i had done in my youth, forget about you are Dark, just thank god that u dont bark!

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Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Its fake bro..

Sent from my Spice Mi-530 using xBhp Connect mobile app

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Dedicated To All Girls
With High Attitude
.
.
.
. . .
Sweety ! Don't Be
Proud
If Every Boy Wants
You..! .
. Always Remember,
Cheap Items Have
Too Many Buyers..

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

This is a logical joke Hope you guys like it

The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use home phone, I use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone

Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone.

All of them shocked and together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

Maid: "What? So we all use our work phone. What's the Big deal??!"

Source FB

======

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Tired of Being Pregnant


A woman has been married for seven years, has six kids and is tired of being pregnant. So, she goes to talk to her priest and the priest tells her to go buy a ten-gallon bucket and stick her feet in it at night. She thanks him and goes off to do as he says.
Six months later, the priest sees her and, sure enough, she is pregnant again.


The priest asks her, "Didn't you follow my instructions?"
She said, "Yes, but that I could not find a ten gallon bucket, so I bought two five gallon buckets."


-----------------------


Circumcision Surgery


This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sex change.
All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.
Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.


"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection ever again!"
"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. It'll just have to be someone else's, that's all."


-----------------------


Live Confessions!


What would you do if u were this lady? Lady: Hi, good afternoon.
Radio Station: Good afternoon, what can we do for you?
Lady: Please, I'll like to get two tickets for the Honey Singh LIVE show this weekend.
Radio Station: Well, you'll get the tickets for free only if you play a prank on someone on air & make them believe it.
Lady: That's ok.
Radio Station: Are you married? Do you have kids?
Lady: Yes, I have a son. Radio Station: Good, you will call your husband & tell him he is not the father of ur son.
Lady: Wow, that's a big one.
Radio Station: Well it depends on how bad you want the tickets and anyway we will be live on air listening and step in to tell him it's all prank.
Lady: Ok, let's do this 'cause I really want the tickets.
Radio Station: Ok, where is he right now? Lady: He's at the office. His number is...
(Radio station calls the husband)
Lady: Hello Love!
Husband: Hi Baby!
Lady: How is work?
Husband: Good, can't wait to get back home & make sweet love to you.
Lady: Me too! But em... there's something I need to tell you.
Husband: Ok, I'm all ears dear!
Lady: You know I love you?
Husband: Yes I do!
Lady: And we promised to always be sincere to each other?
Husband: Yes we did, you're starting to scare me dear, please, what's this all about?
Lady: Something happened in my office Nine years ago.
Husband: What happened?
Lady: The annual x-mas party we had in the office 9 yrs ago I got drunk & had sex with a co-worker... em, you are not the father of our son.
Husband: What!
Lady: I just felt you should know.
Husband: Are you crazy?
Lady: I'm sorry love, I just needed to get it off my chest.
Husband: I can't believe this.
Lady: Am sorry love, please forgive me.
Husband: You want forgiveness? Ok you have to forgive this, I have been sleeping with your sister for the past 5yrs.
Radio Station: Oh God!
Lady: What did you just say?
Husband: You heard me, we just confessed our sins to each other. Is there someone there with you?
Radio Station: Sir, this is a prank & you are on air. We asked your wife to play a prank on you so you guys can get tickets to go watch the Honey Singh Live Show this weekend.


Husband: Oh shit!

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

A Boy  & a Girl  were in love 💞....

When the girl's father  came to know
about their love,
he did not like it at
all,
& so began to protest about it.....



Now it happened that
the two lovers
decided to leave their homes  for a happy
future.....



The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find
them ......



At last,
he accepted their love &
asked them to come back home through a local newspaper 📰...


Her father said,
"If you both come back,
I will allow you to marry the guy you love,
I accept that you loved
each other truly."





So in this way,
their love won & they
returned home.....



The couple next day
went to town to shop
for the wedding dress.....

He was dressed in a
white shirt  that day...

While he was crossing the road to the other side to
get some drinks 🍹 for his wife,,,,

a car 🚖 came & hit him & he died on the spot....



The girl was devastated
& lost her senses....

It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock.....



The funeral & cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.....



Two nights later ,;;;


The girl's Mother  had
a dream....
in which she saw
an old Lady ....


The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood
stains  of the Guy from her daughter's dress 
as soon as possible....


But her mother ignored the dream.....



The next night  her father had the same
dream ,
he also ignored it....

Then the girl had the same dream the next night...

she .woke up in fear & told her mother .about the dream....

Her mother asked her
to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately.....





She washed the stains
but some remained.....


Next night,,,,

she again had the same
dream..

She again washed the stains,,,,

but some still remained....

Again the next night....

she had the same dream & this time the old lady gave her a last warning
to wash the blood stain,
or else something terrible would happen.....



This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains,,,,

& the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained....

She was very tired.....







In the late evening
the same day
while she was alone at home,

someone knocked on the door 🚪...

When she opened the door....


she saw the same old lady of her dream
standing at her door....

She got very scared & fainted....







The old lady woke her up...




& gave her a yellow object, which shocked the girl.....


She asked,
"What is this...?"



The old lady replied...

..

.. .

..

..

...

..

..











"This is........




Nirma.....



Washing Powder Nirma"



"Washing powder Nirma.....

Washing powder Nirma



Doodh si safedi....
Nirma se aaye,



Rangeen kapde bhi
khil khil jaye,



sabki pasand Nirmaaaa...



Washing powder Nirma...

Washing powder Nirma.

Nirma.a.a"



30 ka 1,

2 packet pe ek 1 free .....











I know how you are feeling now ...



I have been through this too.....





But....keep smiling  !!!!!

😛

Sent from my GT-S5670 using xBhp Connect mobile app

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

This seems to be a literal translation of a Punjabi advt. IMO, it has become amusing due to the manner in which words mean differently when literally translated from one language to the other. And as for it being offensive, well, the Punjabis are the largest-hearted people going around 'cause they laugh the hardest at themselves. If one becomes politically correct and all prim and proper, humour will become extinct, esp in India where we enjoy it at each other's expense and all of it without malice. In fact, some of the masterpieces of Sardar jokes have been told to me by my Sikh friends. Their word-play related vulgarity renders them unfit to be written here, they are that (bad)good

Such jokes are terribly difficult to resist because one imagines them like a motion picture in one's mind - "pumping dumb belles in the Jim", etc etc.
[MENTION=32286]psr[/MENTION]. What do you think of such jokes, sir? Where to draw the line, where to push it...

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----consecutive posts auto-merged-----

I am no moderator to judge any post, ....every Language has it's nuances, and sounds funny if cross referenced with another language ,Phonetically....Transliteration may some time bring out the humor of the original post........For instance see the common boards of Chilled Beer being misrepresented in English as Child Beer and Child Bear...so it is the wrong usage of a language which is funny .
Any funny anecdote if it uses some word ,with reference to sex, should be limited and not repeated....It becomes offensive if it goes deeper into the act and the words are repeated..
Ultimately the members must be judicious with such posts....

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so this is the reason

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Dunno what his thought process was?