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Happen to me always..

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A lady driver ,never honored the Service schedules, and was known to bring the Car to the Mechanic only if something failed.....

This time the complaint was " WEAK BRAKES "...

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The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The French woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say another word. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and castigate the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong b*tch out of the window."


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A salesman to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
"What on earth is that all about?"
The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm."
"but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?"
The farmer replied, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other."


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Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a ***** didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.

Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when
the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his *** out of the window and let loose right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw
that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"

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The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied "from the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to reconsider, explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers had received.

But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Captain's penis and began to work back.

"My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The Captain calmly replied "Vietnam."

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Micromax has signed Sonam Kapoor & Ayesha Takia as their Brand Ambassador....




Micro & Max!!

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Internet Forum Lightbulb Maintenance...

How many online forum group members does it take to change a lightbulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers.

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames.

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".

109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

44 to ask what is a "FAQ".

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

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Jai ho mahan Prabhu ji ka

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What would've happened if Dan Bown - the author of Da Vinci Code was a Punjabi ???

The book would've been named 'Vinci da Code' !!!

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Evil cat..

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Even God has a Sense of Humor

God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining
to his subordinates.
"Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10
deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I
have given them insecurity and tension....

And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the
same time, I have given them climatic extremes.
And here is South America.. I have given them lots of forests. But at
the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have
to cut off the forests....

So you see fellows, everything should be in balance."

One of the angels asked... "God, what is this extremely beautiful
country here?"

God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA, My
most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the
great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a
heart of gold....."

The angel was quite surprised:
"But God you said everything should be in balance."

God replied --
"Look at the politicians and the neighbours I gave them."

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Holiday Pics

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Anyone here wants a massage?

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Twin barrel

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Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

Sent from my GT-I9082 using xBhp Connect mobile app