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Well said..!

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrasekhar Subramanyam entered the fourth grade in a US school

The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?'

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand-up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.' A

She heard a loud whisper: 'F**k the Indians,'.

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.' At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'

Again, Chandrashekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'


The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're f**ked!'

And Chandrashekhar said quietly, 'George Bush, Iraq, 2005.'

Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

7 Types of Ladies...


1. HARD DISK Ladies:
Remember everything forever.

2. RAM Ladies:
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.

3. SCREEN SAVER Ladies:
Just for looking.

4. INTERNET Ladies:
Difficult to access.

5. SERVER Ladies:
Always busy when needed.

6. MULTIMEDIA Ladies:
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.

7. VIRUS Ladies :
These type of Ladies are normally called 'WIFE' once enters in your system don't leave forever!!

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This is just a friendly reminder about drinking and driving this festive season.

I went out last night and left my car at the pub and took the bus home.

I was very proud of myself this morning as I had never driven a bus before !!

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Really proud of you.....

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Cheers!!!

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A pinch



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A King's A King



Cheers!!!

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I'd rather make it R1

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

__________________________________________________ __________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________ __________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?



______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now, whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table,
wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

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Diwali is the only time when your parents don't look at you suspiciously when a match box falls from your pocket !!!

Happy Diwali!!

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Evil baby



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A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.

Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve' s Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired A Consulting firm to revamp all of our processes.
After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately
3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'


As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra
trip to get it right now.'

I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.

So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
"Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice.
'Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, x, the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.😂😂😂😂



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try to watch the video in the below link