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What will you write when you have fallen in love with a nurse...

"I love you Sister".

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Ek Aadmi doosre se: Kal main bathroom gaya to ander Bhooth tha.
Doosra: Phir kya huva?
Aadmi: Hona kya tha, mene Bhooth se kaha: Aap kar lein, meri to waise hi nikal gayi hai.

Transaltion (reading it in original form made me laugh my heart out)

Man talking to another: I went to a bathroom yesterday, I saw a ghost
Other man: Oh really, what happened next
Man: What else will happen, I peed all over my pant and told the ghost that I am done and you please carry on.

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If any if them are found inappropriate, please feel free to remove or report

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Loved this

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A guy went to the bank to open an account. He took the form to fill and raced to Delhi.

know why..
the form had instruction to write in CAPITAL

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Teacher : Where were you born
Monu: Punjab
Teacher: Which part
Monu: Arey, whole body was born in Punjab.

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Nurse in a hospital,

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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.

I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time."

Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Quick! Spit'em out! They're a**holes!!

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One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."

When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."

Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete.

On the way down, he drank the case of beer.

Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers.
He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets!
So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more.
Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.


"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't f**k with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."


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1. I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn and a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said "I've not eaten for two days." So I told him, "I wish I had your will power."

2. A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said "Sorry about the wait". I said, "Don't worry about it, you'll find a way to lose it eventually."

3. Weather girl said there was snow in the forecast and she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, "Fat chance, with a face like that!"

4. A 10-year old Irish boy stood crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asked "What's wrong, lad?" The boy said "Me ma died this morning." "Oh bejaysus lad, that's sad!" the man said. "Shall I call Father O'Riley for you?" The boy replied, "No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment."

5. Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better!

6. I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself "I'm going to take that."

7. a hot air balloon was lost over Iowa. He looked down and saw a farmer in the fields and shouted to him, "Where am I?" The farmer looked back up and shouted back "You're in a basket you dumb shit!"

8. I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was 'Where do women have the curliest hair?' Fiji was the correct answer. Hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?

9.I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently 'Blacks' and 'Mexicans' were NOT the correct answers.

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EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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Somethings never change ...........

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1.Two men are looking at an Egyptian mummy.
1st Guy: Look, so many bandages! Must be a pukka (real) lorry accident case.
2nd Guy: Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!

2.Two men were fixing a bomb in a car.
1sy Guy: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?
2nd Guy: Don't worry, I have one more.

3.Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you've broken!!
Guy: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!

4.At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Guy: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head... Is he crying?

5.Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Guy: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: And the smaller skeleton next to it?
Guy: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

6.Master to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining!
Master: So what? Take an umbrella and go!

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Damn! isn't that University of Calicut?

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After a long diwali weekend, the boss entered the board room and says "Let's Start..!!"
The half sleepy employee threw a 100 rupee note n said "Meri sau ki Blind..!!"

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Quoting what I found funny in another thread

Thanks to [MENTION=69523]Ankey[/MENTION]

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Bill Gates got married. After the wedding, Bill and his new wife got back to their honeymoon suite and later, of course, they crashed into bed.
Apparently things didn't work out pretty well for Bill that night, and the next morning his new wife got up, pointed at the embarrassed Bill Gates
and rather annoyed she said: "Now I know why your company is called what it's called!" (MICRO & SOFT).


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A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.”
"What?" said the puzzled groom "How can that be if you've been married ten times before?”
The bride replied - "Well, husband no. 1 was a Sales Representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband no. 2 was in Software Support, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband no. 3 was from Field Services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband no. 4 was in Telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband no. 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband no. 6 was from Finance and Administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband no. 7 was in Marketing, although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband no. 8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband no. 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was keep looking at it.
Husband no. 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was............................... God I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!”
"Good" said the husband, "but why?”
"You're a Politician. This time I KNOW I'm screwed’

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Best of the lot.

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A man who makes coffin was on his way to deliver one of his coffins when his car broke down. Tryin not 2 be late he put the coffin on his head & began heading to his destination.

Some policemen saw him & wanted to make some money off him (bribe) so they challenged him "hey, what are you carrying & where are you going" ?

the man said "I do not like where i was buried so i am relocating"

The policemen Fainted..!!!

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Wife asks- "why is it that in all marriages the bride sits on the left side and the groom on the right ?"

Husband's reply - "Have u ever seen a Profit & Loss Statement ? It follows the same logic - all income is posted on the right and expenses are on the left"
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