the american style

Innocence...

A school is taken for a field trip to local polk station...

There were pictures of MOST WANTED criminals; little John asks the Sheriff...

John : Who are these guys?
Sheriff : Son, they're the pictures of most wanted criminals we're searching for them
John : Oh!! I see, well then, why did you let them slip away when they were photographed?

Bra'd



Cheers!
VJ

I hope, in a hot thread like this, I hope this works its way through word of mouth. Hope it ain't a killjoy.



Cheers!
VJ

Race can not be won by accelerating on top gear but It can be won only by changing the right gear on right time.

Little John was smart ass in his class. He could recall thing taught the previous day without having to open the notebook even for once. So one day...

Teacher : What does Hen gives us?
John : An Egg
Teacher : Good; what does Sheep gives us?
John : Wool
Teacher : Good; what does Buffalo gives us?
John : Homework!!!

^^ aargee ji, ROOOFL.




Cheers!
VJ

This announcement is absolutely important looking at the kind of road and traffic conditions we have in India, but still everyday I see people compromising with their own safety wearing those fake & unsafe helmets while on a two-wheeler (As in Delhi two helmets are a must) ............ and sadly the Police are not eager enough to take promising steps to push away such mentality ........... I wish to see a day when we change "together"

hahahahaahaaaaaaaaaaa

an idea to those who may find it helpful

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger

walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"

"Hell no!" the guy said.

The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"

The man said, "Of course not."

"Wanna go camping?"

Sam got down from the train & was standing on the platform; his eyes was curious; looked as though he was searching for somebody; little impatience...

"Sir", he was called; Sam noticed a railway porter; it was the porter who called him

"Can I carry your luggage?" asked the porter

Sam : No

Porter : Sir, I only ask Rs 20; Sam refuses

The porter notices the luggage to be a large one & says "It looks huge, you may not be able to do it all alone; c'mon, I'll carry it for you"; Sam did not reply

Porter : Ok, Rs 15; Sam still refused

Porter : Do you think I might not be able to carry? If so, don't worry about that, I've carried twice the size of these luggage easily; Sam did not reply

Porter : "C'mon Sir, I'll make Rs 10 for you; don't tell me you don't have even Rs 10 with you now" said the porter; this touched the ego of Sam

Sam : Na!!! I don't care about Rs 10

Porter : Then?

Sam : While you carry this luggage out, I'm concerned that the owner of this luggage shouldn't notice it!!!

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well... only two left."

----------------------------------------------

A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door, then to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there.
He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours.
He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him, "You were really drunk last night weren't you?"
"Yeah, why? How do you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the pub."

------------------------------------

A little native American boy asked his father, the Big Chief of the tribe: "Father, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have short names like Bill, Tex or Sam?"

"My son", replied his father, "Our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem in our culture; not like the white men who live all together and merely repeat their names from generation to generation. For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake because, on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.
"Then there's your brother, White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and of the life force of our people. It's really very simple and easy to understand.

"Do you have any other questions for me, Little Broken Condom Made In China?"

Quite an old joke though...

Two Women chatting in office...


Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?


Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins. How was yours?


Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!


At the same time, their husbands are talking at work Husband 1: How was your evening?


Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep. What about you?


Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab.


We walked home which took an hour & when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!

Another old stuff...

WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.
*************************


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started.
***************************


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started.
***************************


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.
***************************


My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to me,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.
***************************


I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Kingfisher for 500 rs.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for 300 rs.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream..
And then the fight started..
***************************


I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I've not been in a long time. So I took her to the kitchen. Then the fight started...