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Few daymakers -

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Sent from my Spice Mi-530 using Tapatalk 4 Beta

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Sad but true....

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Women are like Fruits...

Every one has its unique colour,
shape,
aroma and
taste....

Problem is with men...!

They want

FRUIT SALAD....

==

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ROFL!



Cheers!
VJ

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* When one engine fails on a twin-engine air-plane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

*Q: What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?
A: A SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!

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Wife & Husband returned from HONEY MOON after a week:-

Husband: How did u enjoy the whole week?

Wife: The whole week has made my Hole weak!

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Bob and Steve, two non-Muslim friends who happen to be lost in a desert. After days of walking without any water or food, they noticed a Mosque.

Bob said: "Yes, thank God! I will walk in saying that my name is Mohamed, and you say that your name is Ahmed, this way we'll get some food! Deal?"

Steve said: "No, I'm sticking with my name."

They walked into the Mosque and the Sheikh saw them.

The Sheikh asked: "What are your names?"
Bob said: "My name is Mohamed."
Steve said: "My name is Steve."
Sheikh said: "Guys, please bring some food and water for Steve. And you Mohamed, Ramadan Mubarak."

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Just clearing a common misconception...a twin engine aircraft can fly well with a single engine, and a Boeing 747 ,which has 4 engines,can continue to function and reach destination on TWO engines....

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***SURGERY***
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and said, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I make 1,50,000/- a year, a pretty small salary and you get the really big bucks 15,00,000/- when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic................................
"Try doing it with the engine running."

**************

***THE IDEAL WIFE***

• Honey, are you sure you have enough beer for tonight?
• I love you working on the bike on Saturdays, we should do it together on Sundays?
• Sweetheart, what kind of brakes do you want me to buy for the bike?
• Do you mind if we watch the game together tonight and finish a dozen of beers?
• I am going to wash the bike!
• No, No, No. I am changing the engine oil this time.
• Your mother is so much better than me.


***WHY BIKES ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN...***

Bikes don't get pregnant.

Bikes don't have parents.

Bikes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

Bikes don't care how many other Bikes you've ridden.

Bikes don't care how many other Bikes you have.

Bikes don't care if you look at other Bikes.

Bikes don't care if you look at Bike magazines.

You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bike.

If you say bad things to your Bike, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.

Bikes don't get headaches.

Bikes don't care if you're late.

If your Bike doesn't look good you can paint it or get new chrome parts.

You can ride your Bike the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

- A Biker

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New Employee


Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office. 'What is the meaning of this?' the director asked. 'When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held.'


'Well,' the young man replied, 'in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.'


Bosses Vs. workers


When I take a long time, I am slow.


When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.


When I don't do it, I am lazy.


When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.


When I do it without being told, I'm trying to be smart.


When my boss does the same, that is initiative.


When I please my boss, that's brown-nosing.


When my boss pleases his boss, that's co-operating.


When I do good, my boss never remembers


When I do wrong, he never forgets.


Solution for late comers


Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.


'Boss', he said, ' The pill actually worked!'


'That's all fine' said the boss, ' But where were you yesterday?'


HEY post ur feedback


Keep Smiling!!!! :lol:

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***PROPER WAY TO PARTY***

After a hard night biking and partying, Biker Jim woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to slowly & painfully open his eyes and was surprised at what he saw. He sat up and took the aspirins and drank the glass of water on the side table and noticed his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jim looked around the room and saw that everything was in perfect order, spotless and clean. He noticed and picked up a note that had fallen off the night table onto the floor. It read: "Honey, I left you aspirins & water, you’ll find breakfast still warm and on the stove, I left early to go shopping and will be back soon. I Love you."

He got up, got dressed, went into the kitchen and sure enough there was a huge hot breakfast and the morning newspaper waiting for him. His son was also at the table, eating so Jim asked, "Son, do you have any idea, what happened last night?"

His son looked up and said, "Well Dad, you came home after 3 A.M., screaming, belligerent, drunk and delirious. You fell several times, broke furniture, puked in the hall and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Now totally confused at his wife’s behavior Biker Jim asks, "So, why is everything in order and breakfast waiting on the table?" His son looked up from his plate and said, "Oh, that! Well last night after you passed out drunk, Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take off your pants, you said, "Hey, lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"

*********************************

***A LADY WHO KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS***

A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up acouple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told himshe was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says, "Let's take my shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."

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IN THE BEGINNING—CORPORATE STYLE




In the Beginning, there was The Plan; but The Plan was without form; and man created The Procedure.




Darkness was upon the face of the employees; and they were sore afraid; and they looked upon their supervisors and cried:
“It is a crock of dung and stinks to High Heaven!”




And the supervisors spake unto the project supervisors, saying:
“It is a bucket of manure and intolerably malodorous.”




And the project administrators spake unto the section managers, saying:
“It is a vessel of fertilizer and exceedingly strong.”




And the section managers spake unto the department directors, saying:
“It promoteth growth and is very powerful.”




And the department directors spake unto the company president, saying:
“It augmenteth development and productivity.”




And the company president looked down on The Procedure and declared:
“AND IT WAS GOOD!” And so the Plan became Policy.This is how Shit Happens.

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HOW TO BE MISERABLE
See yourself as the center of the universe. Focus attention on yourself. Think about yourself. Talk about yourself. Use “I” and “me” as often as possible. Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others. Listen greedily to what people say about you. Expect to be appreciated. Be suspicious. Be jealous and envious. Be sensitive to slights. Never forgive a criticism. Trust nobody but yourself. Demand agreement with your own views on everything. Sulk if people are not grateful to you for favors shown them. Never forget a service you have rendered someone. Shirk your duties if you can. Do as little as possible for others. (Author unknown)






TURBULENT TIMES
A plane hit a patch of severe turbulence and the passengers were holding on tight as it rocked and reeled through the night.A lady turned to a minister who was sitting behind her and said, “You’re a man of God. Can’t you do something about this?” He replied, “Sorry, I can’t. I’m in sales, not management.”















THE SHREDDING MACHINE
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” said the young executive, eager to be perceived as helpful. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”






SURPRISE VISIT
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”