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He's really sharp,



Cheers!
VJ

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THE HAPPY MAILMAN

• It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
• At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
• At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
• When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"
• "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'

*****************************

ONLY ONE WISH

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice. It was the Lord himself.

Lord: Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

[Biker happy!!!]

Biker: Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over any time I want.

Lord: Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.

[Biker thinking...]

Lord: Son???

Biker: Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels at heart when she is happy or sad. I want to know why she cries and what she means when she says nothing is wrong, and why is she so stuck to her parents and does not seem to care and.......and.......

Lord: Err... How many lanes do you want on that bridge son???

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ROFL.....

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Funny but sad truth...

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Motorcycling fact:
No matter what Guys Ride,
225cc Karizmas.,
220cc Pulsar
or
350cc Royal Enfield.,

They just Cannot Overtake a Girl with Low Waist Jeans on an 80cc Scooty...😛

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Man : Sir,my wife is missing.
.
Postman:Yeh post office hai, Police station nahi.
.
Man: Oh sorry .

Sala khushi ke mare kaha jaau, samajh me nahi aa raha !! :beer:

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Few more for lazy afternoons at work

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that her Son is in there already.

The little boy says , "Dark in here."
The man says , "Yes , it is."
Boy : "I have a baseball."
Man : "That's nice."
Boy : "Want to buy it?"
Man : "No , thanks."
Boy : "My dad's outside."
Man : "OK , how much?"
Boy : "$150"
Man : "!@#$$" but buys it eventually

In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy : "Dark in here."
Man : "Yes , it is."
Boy : "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The man, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery" but buys it eventually

A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy wanting to impress his Father says the truth, "$500"

The father says , "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says , "Dark in here."
The Priest says , "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now"

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~best romantic dance

~only in india

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And That's How Fight Started With My Wife........


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'


... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


And that's when the fight started...


________________________________


I took my wife to a restaurant.


The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.


"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."


And that's when the fight started.....


_____________________________


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.


I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."


"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"


And then the fight started...


________________________________


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.


Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.


I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."


The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


_____________________________


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."


And then the fight started...


________________________________


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.


I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."


My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"


And that's how the fight started...


_______________________________


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."


I bought her a bathroom scale.


And then the fight started......


______________________________


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me


for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets


and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that


I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.


The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.


She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.


When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.


She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'


And then the fight started...


________________________________


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.


She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'


I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."


And then the fight started........


________________________________


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!


The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'


That's how the fight started.


________________________________


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...


The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"


And that's how the fight started.


Cheers!
VJ

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le memes rock, few more:

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Interview in a Govt Department under the Handicap Quota...
Interviewer: Are you handicapped?
.
Guy:- Yeah, i lost my balls() in a bomb blast.
.
Interviewer: Ok, you are selected! Workinbg hours will be from 9am to 5pm. Make sure that you are here at 11am, everyday..
.
Puzzled, the guy asks:- Why 11, when the timing is from 9?
Interviewer:- Its a govt job.. First 2 hours we just sit around scratching our balls... Wht the **** will you do?