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A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

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Back in the wild west, a westbound wagon train was lost and very low on food. No other people had been seen for days. Unexpectedly, they saw an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushed up to him and said, "We're lost. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?" "Vell," the old Jewish man said, "I vould definitely NOT go over dat hill. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree." "A bacon tree!" asked the wagon train leader. "Yah, yah ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nutting vud I lie."
The leader goes back and tells his people what the Jewish man had told him. "So why did he say not to go there?" some pioneers asked. "Oh, you know the Jewish folks - they don't eat bacon." So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side.
About an hour later the leader of the wagon train returns to where the old Jewish man is sitting and enjoying his drink. He was disheveled and wounded. The near-dead man starts shouting, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree. Just hundreds of Indians! They killed everyone but me."
The Jewish man holds up his hand and says, "Oy, vait a minute, vait a minute. He gets out an English-Yiddish dictionary and begins thumbing through it. "Oh mine Gott, I made myself ah big mistake---
It vuz not a bacon tree. I mant to say it vuz a ham bush!"

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A young couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at a rattlesnake farm they discovered along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.

"Gosh!" exclaimed the young woman. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"

"Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler.

"Well," she continued, "what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?"

"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make cut across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

"What, uh...what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."

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truly awesum..

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A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."

"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"

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A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they had found, Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period," said Little Johnny.

"Well, I can see that," the teacher said, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Danged if I know," said Little Johnny, "but this morning, my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

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LMAO,, this is exactly my case.

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A man was on a drive across America, and one day during late evening,found himself driving through desolate country side...He saw a small house at a distance and stopped there. He knocked on the door and a farmer, the man of the house opened the door...

Man ..." Sir I am driving through the US of A and was wondering if I may stay for the night at your place."

Farmer." Of course by all means..."

The man enters the house and see two of the farmers young daughters setting the table for dinner..he is introduced to them ,and they have a sumptuous dinner....

The man who was eying the two daughters, inquired,..." Sir may I know if this is all the family, no wife and son ?"

Farmer.." My wife died a year back, and I have no son..Oh by the way I have baby sleeping upstairs..."

The time came for them to retire to bed. The guy was having other plans of sleeping with the daughters...

The farmer said, " Sir you must be tired from the journey, why don't you go upstairs and sleep with Baby "..

The man thought, oh shit, who will sleep with a drooling baby,and get disturbed through the night with crying,and made to feed the baby..etc.,.....

so he said, " Can I sleep downstairs ? may be in one of the bedrooms "..

Farmer..." Oh no there is only one bedroom downstairs, and me and my daughters sleep there.....may be you can sleep on the Sofa...I still feel you should go upstairs and sleep with baby".....
Man .." Oh no I don't want to disturb baby, I will sleep on the Sofa "

Cursing his bad luck the man sleeps the night on the sofa...In the morning he wakes up to find the family setting up the break fast on the table..

Farmer." Come on young man rise and shine..have a wash and join us at the table...."

At the table while having their breakfast, the man see a curvacious 18 year old coming from upstairs...

The Farmer greets her.." Come on Baby, come and have break fast with us "....

The man hasn't stopped kicking himself...

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Each trying to prove their might in Indian scenario:

Wikipedia: I know Everything
Google: I have Everything
Facebook: I know Every body

Internet: Without me you're Nothing

Electricity: Keep talking *****ES.....!!!!

----consecutive posts auto-merged-----

***** Please:



For CID fans:

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Though I am not trying to be a spoil sport here, but I think what is shown in the pic is https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fingerstyle_guitar

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Just enjoy bro,,, enjoy!! I know about this better than many (don't ask why) but you actually spoiled it for those who did not know the info in your link. Great!!

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Wife(looking at stars)(*) (*)
Batao wo kon si Cheez hai jo Aap Roz Dekh Sakte ho par Tod nhi sakte?💖💖

Husbnd-Main nahi bataunga...

Wife-Bolo na plz.... 💕💕

Husbnd -Tera Mooh..

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Love is priceless, i meant sizeless

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