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My first post here.. Entering with a blast

Sex Education at its Best...
Son: "Why is making Love so enjoyable?"
Father: "It is just like the sensation when u are digging your nose with your finger!!!"

Son: "Why do women enjoy more sex than men?"
Father: "It's because when u dig ur nose,
ur nose feels more comfort than your finger!!!"

Son: "Why do women hate it when they get raped?"
Father: "It is like when u r walking down d street, someone else come over &dig ur nose,
do you like it???"

Son: "Why women cant have good sex when they are having their periods?"
Father: "If your nose is bleeding,,,
do you still dig it???"

Son: "Why men dont like to wear condoms when they are making love?"
Father: "Do u like to dig ur nose with a glove on your finger???"

Son: "Why is making love carried out in private?"
Father: "Will u dig ur nose in front of ur class???"
See life is so Simple...
Dont dig your nose

PS: Hope you dont mind sms language in this thread. I cant edit the whole post since its copy paste
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• Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
  
• If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
  
• Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
  
• Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
  
• 
  
• I don't know jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.
  
• 
  
• It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.
  
• It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.
  
• Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
  
• 
  
• Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
  
• People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
  
• People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.
  
• So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.
  
• The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
  
• The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
  
• The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
  
• The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.
  
• There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
  
• Things ain't what they used to be and never were.
  
• We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
  
• We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
  
• What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
  
• When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds.
  
• Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
  
• You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.
  

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Here are some the most popular PJs aka Petrol Jokes!


***
Fake News
Breaking News: 2 Mumbai players caught red handed accepting a 10 litre can of Petrol to bowl a NO ball.


Hopeful that Expensive petrol will help solve the problem of traffic jams
***

Drink and drive should not be a problem now. After all how many will be able to afford alcohol and petrol on the same day?


Sign board at Petrol pump: Buy Petrol worth Rs. 20,000 and get a TATA nano absolutely free.


I am glad that petrol prices are stable since past 12hrs.


The days are not too far, when my take home salary won’t be enough to take me home petrol.


Bhagwan kasam replaced by petrol kasam!!!


What’s common between ‘Age’ and 'petrol' prices??…… They always go up but never come down.


Finally, saving all the petrol jokes on notepad. Will help during next price hike.

*****

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HOW NOT TO RUN A CREDIT CARD BANK
Someone contributed the following advice and true story at a financial discussion site in March 2009, during the Great Recession:
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! The following illustrates what is happening in customer service, being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now it is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:
Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'
Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been (turned over for collection).'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
Citibank: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you-- the part about her being dead?'
Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
[Supervisor gets on the phone]
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'
Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given by Citibank, and after they received the fax from the great nephew
Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
Citibank: 'That might help...'
Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot #69.'
Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
And you wondered why Citi is going broke and need the fed government to bail them out??!

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A NOTICE FROM A COMPANY ON HARD TIMES

DUE TO THE CURRENT FINANCIAL STATUS OF THE COMPANY, ALL EMPLOYEES ARE ENCOURAGED TO ADOPT THE FOLLOWING COST-CUTTING MEASURES:

Lodging
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
Transportation
Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.
Meals
Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such as Hickory Farms, General Nutrition centers, and, Costco, Sams stores etc. often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this manner. Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destinations. If restaurants must be utilized, travelers should use "all you can eat" salad bars. This is especially effective for employees traveling together as one plate can be used to feed the entire group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel. Cans of Spam and tuna fish (extra points for those who get their tuna from a store's pet food section) can be consumed at your leisure without the necessary bother of heating or costly preparation.
Miscellaneous
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in an effort to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods, which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.

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all in one -bikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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[Gynecologist to a nervous young blonde patient...]


Gynecologist: Just try to relax, this won't take long. Haven't you ever been examined like this before?
Blonde : Yeah! Sure but not by a doctor!!!


*********


A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a rolling bed by the nurse and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room, the nurse leaves the young girl behind the surgery room door to go in and check whether everything is ready.


A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining the patient's naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and does the same examinations.
When a third man starts examining her body so closely yet again, the girl grows impatient and says, "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."


*********


A son and father went to see a doctor since the father was getting very ill. The doctor told the father and son that the father was dying from cancer.
The father, who was an Irishman, turned to his son and said, "Son, even on this gloomy day, its our tradition to drink to health as it is in death, so let's go to the pub and celebrate my demise."
Reluctantly, the son followed his father to the local pub. There, while enjoying their ale, the father saw some old friends and told them he was dying from AIDS.
Shocked, the son kept his mouth shut, but as soon as they were alone, he turned to his father and said, "Father, it is not AIDS you are dying from, it is cancer. Why did you lie to those men?"
The father replied, "Aye, my son, you are right; but I don't want those guys sleeping with your mother when I'm gone."


*********


A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in.
Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man."
He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone."

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A NEW APPROACH TO TRAINING
A cowboy walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of cow manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "I want some coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, coming right up." He gets the cowboy a mug of coffee, and the cowboy drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the cowboy returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of cow manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "I want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, cowboy. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"
The cowboy smiles and proudly says, "I'm in training for upper management: come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."

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More great Construction work......

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I didn't get the point...???

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It means you are still a kid

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Are you serious?? :-)

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