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Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

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  • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

    BEST EXCUSES WHEN FOUND SLEEPING AT YOUR WORK DESK....
    "Life is all about burning petrol and the most efficient way to do so is by riding a bike"
    "A man who dreams of being an astronaut or a pilot, is yet to drive a motorcycle."
    "Often, I find myself in the middle of nowhere,Rarely, in the middle of nowhere, I FIND myself..."

    Comment


    • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

      Remember those old days????

      We =
      Our friends =
      Teachers =

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      Attached Files
      My DIY(s) - Sprocket bearing change | Paint job | Custom speedo dial

      Getting angry at somebody is the same as getting angry with a bike that just won't go. You should stop and start thinking.
      A good mechanic will let you watch even without charging you for it. | Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees youll ride alone.

      It is funny to know that we've been imitated and copied so well
      and surprising when we notice our mistakes are copied as well.

      Comment


      • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

        HOW TO BE MISERABLE
        See yourself as the center of the universe. Focus attention on yourself. Think about yourself. Talk about yourself. Use “I” and “me” as often as possible. Mirror yourself continually in the opinion of others. Listen greedily to what people say about you. Expect to be appreciated. Be suspicious. Be jealous and envious. Be sensitive to slights. Never forgive a criticism. Trust nobody but yourself. Demand agreement with your own views on everything. Sulk if people are not grateful to you for favors shown them. Never forget a service you have rendered someone. Shirk your duties if you can. Do as little as possible for others.
        TURBULENT TIMES
        A plane hit a patch of severe turbulence and the passengers were holding on tight as it rocked and reeled through the night.A lady turned to a minister who was sitting behind her and said, “You’re a man of God. Can’t you do something about this?” He replied, “Sorry, I can’t. I’m in sales, not management.”

        DAY OFF NEEDED
        A man rings his boss and says, “I have to take a day off work, because my wife and I are having a baby.” “Oh, okay.” The next day the man comes to work and his boss says, “Is it a boy or a girl?” The man says, “I don’t know. I’ll tell you in nine months.”

        THE SHREDDING MACHINE
        A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” said the young executive, eager to be perceived as helpful. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
        SURPRISE VISIT
        Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”
        "Life is all about burning petrol and the most efficient way to do so is by riding a bike"
        "A man who dreams of being an astronaut or a pilot, is yet to drive a motorcycle."
        "Often, I find myself in the middle of nowhere,Rarely, in the middle of nowhere, I FIND myself..."

        Comment


        • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...











          Last edited by psr; 07-16-2013, 10:48 AM.
          When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.

          Comment


          • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

            NEW GUY AT WORK
            The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” asked the manager. “John,” the new guy replied. The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only— Smith, Jones, Baker— that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?” The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.” “Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is...”

            SEVERANCE PAY
            AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intelligent leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

            HOURLY LABOR
            A feisty 70-year-old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. “Labor charges!” she exclaimed. “It only took you five minutes.” The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. “Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor,” the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves.

            DEFINITION OF SUCCESS
            A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.--Lana Turner
            Attached Files
            "Life is all about burning petrol and the most efficient way to do so is by riding a bike"
            "A man who dreams of being an astronaut or a pilot, is yet to drive a motorcycle."
            "Often, I find myself in the middle of nowhere,Rarely, in the middle of nowhere, I FIND myself..."

            Comment


            • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

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              And they say, there's no success without troubles!
              Skill is what keeps you on a Motorcycle
              Awareness + Skill is what keeps you out of harm's way
              ATGATT + Awareness + Skill means you might Live To Ride another day

              Comment


              • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...



                When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.

                Comment


                • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                  A very, very difficult question for Abby to ponder:


                  Dear Abby,


                  I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
                  I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
                  I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?


                  I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.


                  Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker arm cover.


                  So...is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it back to the dealer?
                  Last edited by petrolhead_chn; 07-16-2013, 12:46 PM.
                  My DIY(s) - Sprocket bearing change | Paint job | Custom speedo dial

                  Getting angry at somebody is the same as getting angry with a bike that just won't go. You should stop and start thinking.
                  A good mechanic will let you watch even without charging you for it. | Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees youll ride alone.

                  It is funny to know that we've been imitated and copied so well
                  and surprising when we notice our mistakes are copied as well.

                  Comment


                  • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                    TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU'VE GOT THE CONSULTING BUG
                    10. Can’t stop using words that don’t exist.
                    9. Worried that he who dies with the most frequent-flyer miles wins.
                    8. Use so much jargon in conversation, friends think you’re speaking a foreign language.
                    7. Constant urge to give advice on subjects you know nothing about.
                    6. Always-hyphenating-words-that-don’t-need-to-be-hyphenated.
                    5. Keep seeing bullet points everywhere.
                    4. Can fit the thematic undercurrents of the great novel War and Peace into a two-by-two matrix.
                    3. Tired of having a social life beyond work.
                    2. A two-page story in Business Week is all it takes to make you an expert.
                    1. Firmly believe that an objective viewpoint means more than any real work experience.
                    "Life is all about burning petrol and the most efficient way to do so is by riding a bike"
                    "A man who dreams of being an astronaut or a pilot, is yet to drive a motorcycle."
                    "Often, I find myself in the middle of nowhere,Rarely, in the middle of nowhere, I FIND myself..."

                    Comment


                    • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                      few more,,
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                      BENEATH THE REMAINS.........
                      Instagram - chaosaddict666 (follow for atypical uploads on heavy metal, bikes, alcohol, chakna, life, fashion yada, yada)
                      YouTube - chaosaddict666 (Disclaimer: crappiest uploads ever, viewer discretion is advised)

                      Comment


                      • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                        And simple yet short... WOMEN!!

                        A LADY: Do you know LIONS have sex 4 to 6 times with different partners in a single night?

                        2nd LADY: Shit yaar. I just joined ROTARY CLUB last week.

                        Cheers!
                        VJ
                        Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
                        The girl said, 'NO!'


                        And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and watched sport on a big screen TV, went fishing and surfing, and played golf a lot, and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.


                        THE END

                        Comment


                        • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                          INSURANCE CLAIM
                          A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
                          The man sued... and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.”
                          After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

                          HELP IS HARD TO FIND
                          An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer—you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the comfort-level in hell and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, escalators and various useful gizmos, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
                          One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake—he should never have gotten down there. Send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”
                          Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right! And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
                          "Life is all about burning petrol and the most efficient way to do so is by riding a bike"
                          "A man who dreams of being an astronaut or a pilot, is yet to drive a motorcycle."
                          "Often, I find myself in the middle of nowhere,Rarely, in the middle of nowhere, I FIND myself..."

                          Comment


                          • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                            When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                              Maruti 800 ki nilami ho rhi thi. Boli lagi ......
                              15 lakh
                              20 lakh
                              40 lakh

                              Husband: Is khataare Gadi me aisa kya hai?

                              Seller: Iske 23 accident hue hai, har bar sirf biwi mari hai.

                              Husband: iski maa ka.......
                              1crore........!!!!
                              The real beauty lies in throttle's twist!!

                              Headlight can be replaced, Head cannot be. Wear a helmet.

                              Comment


                              • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                                Mileage Booster: HHO Kit: Run ur car on water in Tripunithura, Kochi Spare Parts - Accessories on Kochi Quikr Classifieds
                                This guy solved the energy crysis!
                                "Vibes transmitted from crank shaft to frame, then through the bearings of the head stock and into the stem where it meets the triple clamp and into the clip-ons where it is greeted with great pleasure by my hands"-ratfighter mod rtr

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