RESULT OF CHANGING THE JOB:A passenger touched the taxi driver on the shoulder to ask him to stopThe driver screamed, lost control,nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, & smashed against a wall.Then the driver said: Don't you ever do that again, you scared me!The passenger asked: How did a little touch scare u so much?Driver replied,Its my first day as a taxi driver. I've been driving a van carrying Dead Bodies for the last 25 years. =D =))

Disclaimer - This is not a joke, but more of a moral, but a little funny & qualified to post here

A Wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!


Moral of this story - Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age 20 and experience.

The man whose heart is in stomach...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers to his wife, "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates (upset) you. This guy is
probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay (homosexual) , thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. so, Be strong, honey. "I love you, too".

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled with $10 bills.

Man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it! He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's up with the jar?'

'Well... you pay ten dollars... and IF you pass three tests you get all the money!!!' The man certainly isn't going to pass this up!

'What are the three tests?''

'Pay FIRST...' says the bartender... 'Those are the rules'

So the man give him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar...
'OK,' the bartender says, 'here's what you need to do... FIRST: You have to drink that ENTIRE GALLON of pepper tequila the WHOLE thing, all at ONCE.... and you CAN'T make a face while doing it... SECOND: There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth...You have to REMOVE the tooth with your BARE HANDS... THIRD: There's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has NEVER reached orgasm during lovemaking.. You've gotta MAKE THINGS RIGHT for her.'

The man is stunned... 'I KNOW I paid my 10 bucks... but I'm not an IDIOT! I WON'T DO IT!!!You have to be NUTS to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those OTHER THINGS!!!

'Your call,' says the bartender, 'but your MONEY stays where it is..'

The man has a few drinks... then a few more... Finally...he asks, 'WHERRRRE'S ZAAAT TEQUIIIILA?!'

He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp...Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face....Next... he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up... The people inside the bar hear a HUGE, NOISY SCUFFLE going on outside.. They hear the pit bull barking... the guy screaming... the pit bull yelping... and then SILENCE. Just when they think the man SURELY must be dead, he staggers back into the bar .. with his shirt ripped...and large, bloody scratches all over his body... 'NOW.......' he says. WHERES THE OLD WOMAN WITH THE SORE TOOTH?

THOR - EXPLAINED



Cheers!
VJ

Boy1:Meet my wife TinaBoy2.Oh! I know herBoy1:How?Boy2:v were caught sleeping togetherBoy1:What the hell?Boy2.during lecture in maths classThink +ve ..........................................What is the perfect exampleof both Good & Bad Luck?The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)but at the same timeDust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)...

Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:"can kids of our age have kids?"Teacher replied " NO Never!!"Boy said to girl :"see i told you not to worry!!!!"

[QUOTE=Midhun.akd;934805]Boy1:Meet my wife TinaBoy2.Oh! I know herBoy1:How?Boy2:v were caught sleeping togetherBoy1:What the hell?Boy2.during lecture in maths classThink +ve ..........................................What is the perfect exampleof both Good & Bad Luck?The naughty wind blows the girl's skirt high (Good luck)but at the same timeDust falls into the boy's eyes (Bad luck)...

Lovely

[QUOTE=Midhun.akd;934848]

Confessions of a vessel. Well...



Cheers!
VJ

I know this place in a well manner...Its in Nanded near railway station...
thinking of links of social networking...

epic ............ and this deserves more than a standing (read jumping) ovation

To open a bank account, it's a must to have PAN card,
for PAN card, Adhar card is must,
for Adhar card, Election ID is must,
for Election ID, Ration card is necessary,
for Ration card, you need to have a family

Ok, so what happens with people who have 2 ration cards?

Who the hell is shouting out there?