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Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

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  • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

    thanks.
    Originally posted by AK3D View Post
    [MENTION=8461]forty6[/MENTION] : thanks for one of the best laughs in ages!
    I didn't know about that thread till I read it today.
    Very nicely written

    Comment


    • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

      Originally posted by Divya Sharan View Post
      I need a gun too now.
      Head to Indians For Guns • Index page Having a gun is useful, it may save your butt virginity one day
      I am back!

      Comment


      • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

        Q How many Bulleteers does it take to change a rear wheel?
        A None : Thanks to the amazing power of the Bullet, it'll wheel on no matter what

        Q What do I do in case my Bullet has a puncture?
        A Pray - you surely can't push THAT thing anywhere.

        Q How many mechanics does it take to fix a Bullet's leaky head?
        A 0, Only God can fix that. However don't forget the 10 different know it all owners who keep advising him how to fix it.

        Q Why is the Bullet's seat so comfy?
        A We live in India. We want everything comfy, right from the government to not standing in line... to Bullet seats.

        Q Why is the Bullet so amazing?
        A It is amazing to other people - the ones who take off their blinkers and are amazed to see people paying through their noses for what essentially amounts to something a 3 year old put together with a meccano set.

        Q What makes the Bullet thump?
        A There are little men with big hammers and gongs sitting in the silencer. When the vehicle is started, they start hitting the gong in joy at that feat.

        Q Why is the Bullet considered a legend?
        A It is a legend in the same way as the Nizam of Hyderabad's jewels. The similarity stops there, however, museums and collectors would pay for the Nizam's jewels, the same thing does not apply to the Bullet.

        Q I've heard said about the Bullet that "there is no logic, no reasoning, no practicality involved when buying a Royal Enfield."
        A Yes, the proper single word for that is called "Stupidity"

        Q Why do Bullet owners think everyone on the road is looking at them? Does this make them happier?
        A This is a false misunderstanding. When a Bulleteer pops by with a 'whup whup whup' and a smug expression, the bystanders are delighted at the thought of someone giving credence to the saying "There's a sucker born every minute"

        Q I believe my Bullet is invincible. However, what do I do in case it breaks down on the highway?
        A First things first, deflate your ego, then hail down the nearest guy on a 100CC bike (right up to 200CC). Chances are, that Plastic bike owner will have enough consideration to stop and see if he can help, unlike us Bullet owners, who keep sitting straight stiffly and look straight ahead at the road no matter what.
        (addendum : 200CC+ bikes will already be a far off speck, and there is no point hailing them anyway)

        Q What do I do if my Bullet breaks down in the forest?
        A Boss, with your handlebar moustache and macho looks, surely you're not frightened of a mere lion or tiger? In any case, all animals will cower in fear at the sound of a Bullet breaking down.

        Q What do I do if my Bullet breaks down in the city?
        A Call the Enfield service centre. Once they get their heads out of their *sses, they will get to solving your problem in the next month.

        Q Why is there such a long waiting period for the Bullet?
        A They keep scouring the country for sub standard parts to fix onto these bikes, unfortunately, no factories manufacture things with such specs.

        Q Why are the Bullet showrooms so full of arrogant salesmen?
        A They cater to people with more money than sense, sort of like the Lamborghini or Rolls Royce guys. (Dear reader, this isn't a comparison however. Please read the Nizam of Hyderabad's Q/A to see where the similarity ends).

        Q There is this 'noise' on my Bullet's (insert part here)
        A It's normal

        Q My Bullet is spewing smoke like an oil well on fire!
        A It's normal

        Q I found this 'nut' (or insert other spare part here) lying on the ground next to my Bullet
        A Don't worry, the Bullet has many non essential spare parts. If need be, you can use the engine components as a Hammer and Sickle and say "Nyet Nyet!Comrades"

        Q HAH! My Bullet has run for over 50K kms without failure, what do you have to say now??
        A That's definitely NOT normal, you should have your Bullet examined by some mechanic who can then take a hammer and sickle to the engine until you feel the pain of your fellow brethern.

        Q I'm a n00b to biking, is the Bullet right for me?
        A Shame on you for even considering it.

        Q I'm 6'6" in height, is the Bullet suitable for me?
        A No

        Q I'm 5'5" in height, is the Bullet suitable for me?
        A No

        Q Is the Bullet suitable for ANYONE?
        A Yes, if you desire to torture yourself, have a fetish for the middle ages, and can use black magic on the engine to keep it running.

        Q Jokes apart, why do so many police forces use the Bullet?
        A They are paid by the crooks so they can outrun and outmanuever the Bullets anywhere and everywhere.

        Q My Bullet chokes and gasps for air after reaching 80kph
        A Its face will also turn red, and its veins will bulge, not for the lack of trying. You can't expect a pot bellied constable to run like Usain Bolt, can you?

        Q Finally, why is the Bullet so Addictive?
        A We have a lot of drug addicts too, that doesn't make it right somehow, does it?


        This is meant to be taken in a lighter vein. I've picked up bits and pieces of Bullet 'notes' and done this little collection off it. It's a homage to our Bullet owning brothers who have chosen this over other bikes. There is no intention to offend anyone and any Bullet, and All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons (or Bullets), living or dead, is purely coincidental.

        Comment


        • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

          Taken from facebook..

          G1
          Sent from my GT-I9300
          Attached Files
          Cheers
          G1

          Now running: Solo ride to Leh , Coorg 2 Chikmagalur

          True wanderer entry
          Magical Munnar

          Comment


          • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

            Disclaimer - just for gags. Read with a cool head.


            The Ten Commandments of Royal Enfield Bullet

            1. The one true Indian-made motorcycle is the Royal Enfield Bullet, and thou shalt put no other motorcycles before it.
            2. Thou shalt not bow down and worship nor serve the god of chrome or plastic ; for, lo, he is a false god and will not get thy butt home.
            3. Honor thy authorized dealer that thy days may be long and fruitful in the land of Bullet.
            4. Remember the weekend, and keep it open. for it is written, five days shalt thou labor, and for two days shalt thou ride thy Bullet, drink beer, and ***k off.
            5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Bullet, nor her manservant, nor her maidservant, nor her ox, nor her cute little ass.
            6. From the throne of thine Royal Enfield Bullet, thou shalt not stoop to wave at sinners who ride jap-crap, for jap-crap is known to be the handiwork of the devil.
            7. Thou shalt not pass by nor turn away from thy brother Bullet rider who is in mechanical distress. (Remember this & live by it!! - BT)
            8. Thou shalt not pose. verily, I say unto you, it is easier for a poser to pass his gold visa card through the eye of a needle than to enter into the true fellowship of Royal Enfield Bullet heaven.
            9. When riding thy Bullet on the road of life, thou shalt not whine nor snivel, and thou shalt not suffer to ride alongside those who do.
            10. Park not thy Bullet in the darkness of thine garage, that it may collect dust for want of being oft ridden, ride thy Bullet with thy brethren,
            and rejoice in the spirit of the road.


            Source - Royal Enfield Bullet and experiences: The Ten Commandments of Royal Enfield Bullet
            Got a $5 head? Get a $5 helmet.
            Because everyone who passes, isn't a martyr!

            Bullet Service Guide CBR 250R Parts Manual Fz16 service manual - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1-...VFQmJzakk/view
            Hero Moto Corp Bikes' Parts RE STD 350 Wiring Diagram (CI) Service Manual - Classic 350/500
            ZMR parts - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-U...it?usp=sharing
            P200NS Spares' prices - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/...taGd5R2c#gid=0

            Comment


            • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

              Bangkok's Kasetsart University has taken to creating an anti-deceit paper helmet for students to wear during their midterm exams in an effort to curb cheating.

              It's unclear whether the method has proved effective.

              Click image for larger version

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              • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.

                Comment


                • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                  Why does it always happen that if people discuss Bullets, there is a fight?

                  Most Bullet owners aren't ready to accept the flaws and cover it up with anger or "It is a legend" things.

                  I know that nothing is perfect, but at least accept the flaws generously, that too when put up in light note.

                  O, btw, I guess I should be ready for some rage on my post.

                  -Valkyrie

                  Sent from my GT-N7100 using xBhp Connect mobile app
                  -Valkyrie

                  Help and get helped! Enrol for the All India Emergency Rescue System (AIERS), powered by the members of xBhp.

                  Comment


                  • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                    @forty6 - Your review is excellent. Good review on the Bullet. Had I been in your situation, I could have lost my cool. Great man!. I have my fancies for Bullets though

                    @xpranav - I am amazed by the support you extended to a fellow member. I can see you trying to keep things clear and facilitate settling down - Social responsibility. Alas! You can wake up somebody who is really asleep but not the ones who pretend to be asleep. Hope you get it mate???

                    @Sherwin - FYI! You quoted @forty6 which itself is OT. Do you realize that? You must accept the fact that the post by forty6 on Bullets were sincere with some playing around words for some humor. Everybody have their own opinions and they can post it out here. It doesn't make sense to post another member's post and comment so rudely. That was not even hilarious or professional. You put him down with those last few lines. If you want to comment please post on that relevant thread and concerned member would explain. I guess you lack sense of humor and do not understand other's communication. Request you to please stay away from this thread until you know what this thread is all about. You've made this thread a lot serious in your last few interactions.

                    It clearly shows that you are trying to be dominant or something in a short span. Else why such drama Sherwin? Remember that there are always members here who can use stronger words than you and comment harder than you. It is all about vocabulary, comprehension and an important question - "Is it worth responding to this fella?". If all of them start responding, it would not be good for everybody and trust me you would give up signing in to xbhp.

                    Please do not get my response the other way. I am not trying to put you down, but simply requesting you to encourage fellow members and be a part of the community. Share your biking knowledge and use your vocabulary for a good beneficial posts. Still if you want to be defensive and continue with the hungama you are in for lot of surprises, of course in a professional and ethical manner unlike what you have exhibited here. Thank you for reading and hope this ends here.


                    @All; Maybe I responded a little late to this. I am still wondering as to how many such mushrooms are going to crop up. I guess this is a usual ritual religiously performed by some attention-seeking fellas. I guess Sherwin is already on his way to clean up the errors and rejoin the group afresh and be a fellow BHPian. If this does not happen it is best to just ignore and continue with our hilarious posts .
                    Last edited by petrolhead_chn; 08-17-2013, 08:11 AM.
                    My DIY(s) - Sprocket bearing change | Paint job | Custom speedo dial

                    Getting angry at somebody is the same as getting angry with a bike that just won't go. You should stop and start thinking.
                    A good mechanic will let you watch even without charging you for it. |
                    It is funny to know that we've been imitated and copied so well
                    and surprising when we notice our mistakes are copied as well.

                    Comment


                    • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                      I just hope that this thread remains as a hilarious thread
                      Thanks, petrolhead_chn for setting things right before moderators take extreme action and everyone gets affected when the thread is locked. We everyone are grateful to PSR sir for this wonderful thread and its becomes everyone responsibility to take care of it.

                      @forty6: I really appreciate the sense of humor and playing around with words and most of us has taken it light heartedly but, though some might be disappointed when they click on the thread hoping to read some genuine first experience and find it to be total nonsense and worthless. Proper expectations could have been set to avoid confusion.

                      @xpranav Though You tried to bring this crap to an end but You could have done something like what petrolhead did in a mature and unbiased way. That's what even mods do. I understand that one can not expect everyone to behave in a mature manner.

                      @Sherwin I don't want to say anything to You as You have already caused much damage to this thread and me saying anything to You would only make You to post again and it would become an endless process. Come back to this thread with a cool head post something which would add value to this thread and everyone would appreciate. I don't think anyone has anything person against You.

                      I hope everything has come to an end and guys please post something hilarious, which makes everyone feel good at this point of time.
                      Last edited by biker4life; 08-17-2013, 09:45 AM.

                      Comment


                      • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                        Ok guys, this is the humor thread. We'll create a separate thread for bashing each other later.

                        Time for some happy reading.

                        -------------

                        A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user...
                        Help desk: Double click on "My Computer".
                        Lady: I can't see your computer...
                        Help desk: No... click on "My Computer" on your computer.
                        Lady: How the hell can I click on ur computer from my computer???!!
                        Help desk: there is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer... double click on it...
                        Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer ??!!!


                        -------------------


                        A Guy goes into a proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat. In the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. When the man sat down and began observing the tools he noticed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table.
                        A tube of K-Y jelly;
                        A rubber glove; and
                        A beer.

                        When the doctor finally came in the man said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"

                        At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, Helen! I said a BUTT LIGHT."


                        --------------------


                        Joe was a housekeeper who had this habit of drinking from his boss' wine bottle and replacing it with water. The boss, James, did suspect him but tolerated it for a while. But when this became a daily routine, James decided to do something to trap Joe.
                        Accordingly, James replaced his drink with a French wine which changed colour when water is added to it. Joe, not aware of the trap, took a few swigs and added water as usual. The wine changed colour from red to milky white. Joe realized he was in for trouble but was determined to get out of it.

                        James told his wife about Joe's misdoings and that he would make Joe accept his follies.

                        So he shouted, "Joe!!!" Joe answered from the kitchen, "Yes boss?"

                        James, "Who drank my wine and added water in the bottle?"
                        There was no answer from the kitchen. The boss repeated the question, still no answer. The angry boss marched to the kitchen and threatened Joe, "What the hell is going on? When I call your name you respond with 'Yes Boss' and when I ask you a question, you remain silent. What impertinence!!!"

                        Joe said, "It is like this. In the kitchen, you can hear only your name being called. You don"t hear anything else that is said, I swear."

                        James, "How is that possible? All right, I will prove you wrong. You stay right here in the hall with Madam, I will go to the kitchen and you ask me a question, OK?"
                        So the boss went to the kitchen.

                        Joe shouted, "Boss!!!"

                        Boss, "Yes Joe?"
                        Joe, "Who becomes intimate with the maid in Madam's absence?"
                        Silence - no reply. Joe again, "Who made the maid pregnant?"
                        No reply. Joe, yet again, "And who arranged for her abortion?"
                        James came running from the kitchen and said, "You are right Joe. When one is in kitchen, one can't hear anything but one's name. That's bloody strange!"
                        Got a $5 head? Get a $5 helmet.
                        Because everyone who passes, isn't a martyr!

                        Bullet Service Guide CBR 250R Parts Manual Fz16 service manual - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1-...VFQmJzakk/view
                        Hero Moto Corp Bikes' Parts RE STD 350 Wiring Diagram (CI) Service Manual - Classic 350/500
                        ZMR parts - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-U...it?usp=sharing
                        P200NS Spares' prices - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/...taGd5R2c#gid=0

                        Comment


                        • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                          A thread meant to be Hillarious for members to come and relax had become a War Zone..I am pained by the display of emotions,not meant to be posted here..If one cannot post anything funny to be liked by all please avoid this thread ......

                          The purpose for starting this thread is lost in flaming words .
                          Last edited by psr; 08-17-2013, 10:21 AM.
                          When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.

                          Comment


                          • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                            This is a woman who knows what she wants !!!

                            A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

                            While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

                            On the way he says, "Let's take my shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

                            The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."
                            My DIY(s) - Sprocket bearing change | Paint job | Custom speedo dial

                            Getting angry at somebody is the same as getting angry with a bike that just won't go. You should stop and start thinking.
                            A good mechanic will let you watch even without charging you for it. |
                            It is funny to know that we've been imitated and copied so well
                            and surprising when we notice our mistakes are copied as well.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                              Also, bringing up something I designed sometime back. Genuinely my creation.

                              Friends on FB can find it here - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=3&theater

                              Others, these are those creations, I make fun of ALL bikes, not just RE!

                              Click image for larger version

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                              Got a $5 head? Get a $5 helmet.
                              Because everyone who passes, isn't a martyr!

                              Bullet Service Guide CBR 250R Parts Manual Fz16 service manual - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1-...VFQmJzakk/view
                              Hero Moto Corp Bikes' Parts RE STD 350 Wiring Diagram (CI) Service Manual - Classic 350/500
                              ZMR parts - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-U...it?usp=sharing
                              P200NS Spares' prices - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/...taGd5R2c#gid=0

                              Comment


                              • Re: Hilarious Quotes/Pictures/Answers ...

                                Originally posted by Divya Sharan View Post
                                Also, bringing up something I designed sometime back. Genuinely my creation.

                                Friends on FB can find it here - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=3&theater

                                Others, these are those creations, I make fun of ALL bikes, not just RE!
                                Divya the thinking is too complicated...I don't think our " Designers" think that far.....If they did they would have developed all these models before the intro of Japanese bikes,and we would have engines on par if not better than them....
                                We just love our stickers...
                                When Was The Last Time,You Did Something For The First Time.

                                Comment

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