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A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."

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Read this...

Man rules at last a guy has taken the time to write this all down finally, the guys' side of the story.

( i must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side now here are the rules from the male side these are our rules!

Please note. These are all numbered #1 on purpose!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher columbus did not need directions and neither do we...

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear..

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1 .. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh...

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh, because its true!

MOD Notice: Please do not use ALL CAPS since it is against forum rules.

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A dirty joke.........A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."The Russian begins thinking,"Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says,"I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me piss vodka."The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid.Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.The Russian yells to his wife,"Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says,"Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle."

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ccording to mechanical engineers GIRLS are the best vehicle in the world Why?1. 2 bumpers in front2. 2 bumpers in back3. Self lubricating when hot4. Finger touch ignition5. Monthly automatic engine oil change6. Every type of PISTON facility7.Highest mileage of 9 months at just 2ml of fuel

----consecutive posts auto-merged-----

ccording to mechanical engineers GIRLS are the best vehicle in the world Why?1. 2 bumpers in front2. 2 bumpers in back3. Self lubricating when hot4. Finger touch ignition5. Monthly automatic engine oil change6. Every type of PISTON facility7.Highest mileage of 9 months at just 2ml of fuel

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As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.He probes deeply and you shiver;your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you laypanting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your firsttime to have a tooth pulled.........Naughty, Naughty!Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?

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Totally agreed with the 1st point.

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Always felt this..!!



Cheers
Ride Safe
Krishna

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Lady On Telephone----- Hello Sir...I Want 2Meet& Talk 2U.....Man---Do U Know Me.?Lady---Yes..U R The Father Of1 Of My Kids....Man StunnedOh My GodAre U Nisha.? No Disha? No Maitri? No Anupa? No Mitali? No Vaishali? No Vijita? No Lady In Confusion... No Sir I'm The Class Teacher Of Ur SonRocking Question,Shocking Answer...!

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The crew of a US airliner made a wrong turn during taxi and came nose to nose with another aircraft, the furious ground controller (a female) screamed: "[Callsign] where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta'. Stop right there" Continuing her verbal lashing of the embarrassed crew, she shouted: "You've screwed everything up. It'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that?"
Naturally, the frequency went very quiet until an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"


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Dyslexic man walks into a bra

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For all the bikers out there,
The worst, oh i mean the 'baddest'

For all the pulsarites, (dont try this at home, especially with your gf's pet)

Thats how i measure my distance

Hamar doodhwala

So, now you got it why you got broken limbs, so dont blame it on speed

Guess for yourselves

Thank god we dont have much diesel bikes


And for all the ailing men out there
Career transformation of the year
Now thats brotherhood
The trap every man fall into
Lol doc
The 3 kings
Ruined childhood

And they say aadhar card is compulsory

I wish if the dvd ran for 2 days instead of 2 hours
I accept

Miscommunication

Woooonnnnddderrr woman

No comments

Nuke attack, give me way

Snake b peeta hai

Bear gryll's adda

Obvious

So thats how they cover themselves

They say "you dont stop riding when your old, but your old when you stop riding" Now i know what it means

Scan complete?

A$$hole

Lol

No doubt

Omg

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A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her the seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm young and beautiful, and have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the Captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again, the blonde replies, in exactly the same way.The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the Co-pilot. The Co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much, now I understand". She hugs the Co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, asked the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."


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